Everything
by C. Sphire
Summary: After Dr. Gwen Reyes and Lt. Michael Kenmore literally run into each other, Weir decides to leave what comes next entirely up to them. She as well as Heightmeyer hope, that if Michael can make a connection with Gwen, it will be the first in many steps to fully integrate him into humanity. However most others strongly disagree especially over not telling her what Michael truly is...
1. Prologue:

**Everything**

**by C. Sphire **

**.oOo.**

**Book Two of the series: The Great Below.**

After Dr. Gwen Reyes and Lt. Michael Kenmore's accidental run in, Dr. Elisabeth Weir decides to leave what comes next entirely up to them. She as well as Dr. Heightmeyer hope, that if Michael can make a connection with Gwen, it will be the first in many steps to fully integrate him into humanity. The rest of the senior members of the Atlantis expedition however are less than thrilled by the idea of staying out of the two's way. But with Michael under constant guard and Lt. Col. Sheppard assigned to oversee this new aspect to the experiment, most are confident of Gwen's safety and grudgingly relent. (Warning: Minor character death and Adult Themes)

**Michael Kennmore / Original Character **

**Spoiler to Stargate Atlantis: Season Two, Episode: Michael **

**Title: Derived from the song Everything by Alanis Morissette**

**General Disclaimer****: Stargate Atlantis is not mine and this story is for entertainment only.**

They were sitting, three tables away from him. The man and woman stared at one another. From occasional glances he saw their eyes dilate and their skins become increasingly flushed. Each was baring their teeth but in a non-threatening way.

Experimentally picking at the yellowish globs upon his plate, he tried not to focus on them, choosing rather to determine the origin of what he was debating whether or not to put into his mouth. Besides, he didn't understand their behavior.

Then again, I don't understand much of anything, he thought and put down his fork. Playing it safe, he took a bite of an odd shaped fruit instead. Without thinking he swallowed it down whole and nearly choked. Coughing he spit it out, into his napkin and took a drink of orange juice. Grimacing at its intense flavor, for it seemed to burn rather than soothe his throat.

The tickling sensation would not go away. About to reach for the glass containing white liquid he changed his mind. He hadn't tried it yet and decided to stick with what he knew. The water helped.

A little shaken, he put down the nearly empty glass. His stomach growled and reluctantly he took another smaller bite of the mild tasting fruit. Chewing it carefully, he strained to listen in on what they were saying but their voices were too low and soft.

Everything when he first woke up a few days ago seemed different, new and alien. Puzzled, he cocked his head and put down the remaining half of the banana. Ignoring the rest of his breakfast of scrambled eggs and toast he continued to watch them.

Absorbed in one another, for the time being they didn't notice. As time passed he observed they touched one another with increased frequency and duration growing ever closer. Taking turns to whisper something in one another's ears which earned either a smile or a laugh.

When the man pressed his lips to the woman's Michael's confusion only deepened. He stared at their hands and studied how they held and moved over one another. Letting go, the man cupped her cheek before pulling away to leave.

Their eyes met by chance across the distance. It didn't take him long to realized that although the display was in public, it regarded a private matter. For the man's eyes sharpened in on Michael as his lips tightened in uncertainty. And by watching them, the man concluded that Michael had shown an interest. One that was unwelcome. In challenge the man did not look away and although Michael's instincts told him not to submit and show possible weakness, he dropped his eyes back down to his plate.

Correction, he dropped them down to his hands atop his plate. Feeling his cheeks go warm at the odd look the man gave, Michael lifted them. As he picked the bits of greasy egg off of his palms, he wondered why he kept unconsciously doing it. When he looked back up again, to his small relief, he found the man and woman had left.

With a napkin, he finished cleaning up as he analyzed the scene he had just witnessed. So far he hadn't come across anything relating to it in the information they had given him to listen to and watch. Nor had he found any mentioning in the few simple things they used to teach him to read.

Grimacing at his now smashed eggs, he picked up one of the slices of dry toast. Nibbling a corner he made a mental note, to try harder when it came to learning how to decipher the text they gave him. He disliked admitting what he did not know. And because of that he loathed to ask many questions when he could just as easily sit back and learn from what they freely mentioned. It would be only a matter of time before he would discover what the two were doing and why on his own. Till then he would bide his time watching, listening and learning more about this new life.

**.oOo.**

**Chapter End Notes:** Although despite research I've been unable to determine how long Michael's stay was in Atlantis. For the purpose of this story however I guessed it to be around a few weeks.

**Author Notes: ** Although Epilogue is posted I'm still looking to improve this story. So please let me know what I can do to do that. Are there any things that need clearing up? Thank you for reading. : )


	2. Chapter 1: The Collector

Chapter 1: The Collector

.oOo.

He was not paying attention. Not to the two men behind him or the two marines after them. It didn't take him long to realize people always escorting him to his quarters, meant it was just a really nice word for a cell. And that at least two guards accompanying him everywhere he went, meant they expected him to do something wrong. What, they seemed unsure of and wouldn't say.

Yet they had called him a hero. Said he had tried to save his team from the Wraith. But because he was captured by them and had his memories wiped clean, he guessed they believed him to be somehow compromised. For the time being he decided to accept the precautions they were taking. But that didn't make it any easier.

Eyes to the floor, he did not care to take in the views. The beautiful city upon the ocean lacked bars and was comfortable but he was far from feeling free. No matter how spacious, the walls still pressed in on him.

**.oOo.**

New to Atlantis, she wasn't sure if she was going the right way. Running late she was reluctant to stop and double check. Or better put, second guess herself in what seemed a maze of halls, flights of stairs and transporters. Already, she was mentally wincing at the thought of what Dr. Rodney McKay might do or say when she got to the lab. She doubted he would take her explanation well.

Yesterday had been a long one for her. With first filling out and turning in the final paperwork for her transfer. That was after she finished up her remaining duties, submitted her reports to her replacement and started packing. Born with a terrible sense of direction, it had taken her longer then expected to find her new quarters. Then she had to settle in. All which involved merely putting her stuff down, setting the alarm and dropping face first into bed.

So tired this morning, she had slept nearly an extra hour through her alarm. After a record two minute shower as she was frantically drying off, Gwen made a mental note to tinker with the clock, at least when she could later on find some extra time.

"Perhaps retrofit it with a blow horn of sorts!" she now muttered raggedly under her breath while jogging. Then finally noticing the loose state of her wet hair, she worried belatedly, "Did I remember to bring a hair ba-"

It was then, both deep in thought, they turned the same corner and ran into each other, literally.

"Owf!"

"Oh sh-"

The rest of her curse was knocked mute. She had tried to stop. He had tried to take a step back. But the contact was still solid and the shock of their bodies painfully colliding slaked her grip on everything she was carrying. As she attempted to keep balance, her various gadgets and equipment slipped from her hands and clattered to the floor. She would have fallen too, if he had not acted quickly and grabbed her. But as soon as he did, voices from his four companions rose up around them.

"Let her go!" one demanded.

"Ronon, will you relax? He's just caught her so she wouldn't fall," the other said. No, she recognized that voice. It belonged to Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard.

"Exactly," the former runner and now Specialist Ronan Dex from the planet Sateda rumbled back.

All of them began to talk. The guards did so quietly to one another, Ronon and John however-not so much.

The calmest of the five men asked, "Are you okay?" And she knew it certainly wasn't Ronon's. It lacked a gravelly edge and was too gentle even with the stunned aspect in it.

Her muscles gave a little relieved shudder. As they loosened, she wondered why she couldn't pin a face to the voice. Then she felt his arm tighten around her waist. Automatically, hers tightened around his neck. Belatedly, she realized her eyes were still squeezed shut from the impact. She risked a peek but at first saw nothing but the collar of a black T-shirt. Military, she realized along with his height. He was at least a head taller than her.

Bending his face down and close he whispered again, "Are you okay?"

Finally, she met the eyes of the one who caught her and immediately blushed. They were deep set, a steely blue and at the moment inquisitively wide. His brows were drawn up, slanted in concern and pointing to his forehead. It was lined from the expression, his age and what seemed a love of the outdoors. Above his hair line was high, but the mop of short, wavy dark blond hair was thick.

Taking in his other features one would agree he was not handsome in the traditional sense. But warmth and kindness radiated from his flaws, which she preferred over an icy perfection. All and all she found him rather attractive and caught up in the moment, the honesty of it played over her face. All she could get out was a mortifying breathy, "I..."

As Ronon took notice of them, John did too and cleared his throat. The man holding her blinked and realized they were all just standing there. Politely, he let her go then cautiously stepped away and over her scattered stuff. As he looked down at the floor, she followed and couldn't help the moan of anguish at the mess for at the very least her laptop was certainly damaged.

Sinking to her knees she finally managed, "I'm okay but..."

Crouching also, he offered, "Can I help?"

"She can manage. Now let's go," Ronon ordered, taking a step towards them.

She flinched but internally and refused to look up at him. Instead she focused on who was now bent to one knee looking carefully over the mess. As if he was unsure of where to start. To her surprise, he too didn't jump to Ronon's order but instead ignored it.

Ronon on the other hand, wasted no time. About to make her helper follow it, he was stopped short by John, who grabbed Ronon's arm instead.

"Hey," John started and then looked around to get the attention of the two other men as well. With a trace of annoyance he decided, "This is no big deal. If he wants to help her, I don't see why not?"

"I do," Ronon replied gruffly.

To that, in confusion she finally looked up. She watched as Ronon shrugged John's hand off and rolled his broad shoulders, itching to act. When he dropped his chin and glared, she finally made the connection. It wasn't directed to her at all, instead it was to the man to whom she ran into. Watching them all one by one turn and move away she heard Ronon mutter something to John. What, she didn't catch and felt lucky not to but she still got the gist of it. Utter hatred for the man who she ran into and it was barely restrained.

Still dazed she slowly turned back to the man who was nice enough to pick up all of her stuff. All she could manage to do was just watch him, too distracted and a little disappointed. She had certainly envisioned better scenarios with his two notable companions, then to make this scene. First impressions completely blown, she felt her cheeks only grow hotter. But at least it didn't take him long before he was handing over her stuff carefully stacked upon her broken computer. Taking it she whispered, "Thank you."

To it he raised his eyes and met hers in confusion. She gave him a small smile and after a few seconds he returned it. Hesitating for only another he thought to offer his hand. When she took it, he didn't shake it. Instead he held it firmly while rising then assisted her up and for that her smile grew and she thanked him again.

Straightening she noticed how very close they were. When he didn't let go of her hand, she didn't try to free it but she looked up. Just inches away his head bent to look down at her. Neither one of them moved. Openly they studied one another, till John noticed.

He snapped their attention back to their surroundings by saying, "Come on Michael, you've helped her. And we don't want to keep Dr. Heightmeyer waiting now do we?" To emphasize the urgency, John jerked his head down the corridor.

Michael turned to him then to Ronon. She watched the light of interest in his eyes dim and grew dark. His mind pulled deeply inward, to private thoughts and perhaps, she thought worries as well. When at last Michael let go of her hand, he stared at his own palm as if to confirm something before giving a nod.

"No... No I don't," he said and finally obeyed an order. Eyes once again to the floor, he started walking. Ronon and the guards followed.

She stared after them but only for a few seconds. About to leave John stepped in front of her and blocked her path.

"Might I inquire where you're heading to so fast?"

"I need to report in with Dr. McKay, Sir. Is there a problem?" Her stare didn't waver. She refused to feel guilty about an accident. Also she refused herself the indulgence of another look down the long hall to Michael again.

"No reason except you must be new here." John gave an easy smile and pointed down the corridor which she had just came barreling out of. "Cause you just missed the lab he and rest of the team are currently in. It's that way, the fourth door to your left."

She nodded, thanked him and started for it but John followed.

"Say, I didn't catch your name back there," his casual tone, easy stride and friendly face didn't fool her. Whatever she had done she had a feeling, Dr. Elizabeth Weir would be finding out about it and soon from him. She kept walking but cooperated. "It's Dr. Gwen Reyes, Sir."

He offered his hand, "I'm Lieutenant Colonel -"

"I know who you are, Sir," she interrupted with a polite smile then giving all what she held a pointed look, she gave him an apologetic shrug.

"Well that's not fair." John realized and asked, "May I?" Before Gwen could answer, he helpfully took a few of the more precariously balanced items off of her laptop while adding, "After all I don't know you. In fact I don't think I've seen you around." Lowering his voice he added playfully, "Because if I did, I wouldn't have forgotten."

Gwen kept up the blank look and her guard. The rumors she had heard were being confirmed. The Lieutenant Colonel was indeed a charmer. Arching a brow in amusement, she explained smoothly, "I'm sorry to say I've been, too busy to socialize. Just settled in yesterday and this will be the first day I'll be available to assist Dr. McKay since arriving in the Pegasus Galaxy, Sir."

"Ah, you must have arrived with the rest of Colonel Steven Caldwell's crew. Don't tell me you've been stuck on the _Daedalus_ all this time?"

"Yes, assisting Hermiod and Novak on some repairs to the hyperdrive-not that I'm complaining..." she trailed off with a grimace at what her watch displayed.

"Late?"

Reaching the sliding doors she paused and turned to him confirming, "Very, I overslept. But it's probably to the point now that a few more minutes won't make much of a difference. Was there anything else that you wanted to know, Sir?"

"Please, just call me John. No need for Sir-makes me feel old." He insisted and handed back the stuff he had helped her with. "And nope, just want to wish you good luck with him."

Her eyes widened as they turned to the door. John and her could hear Rodney's muffled shouting on the other side. "I don't care to hear your theories on why she's late! I'm busy! Stop bothering me about it and go find her if you're so convinced she's lost!"

"Ah-oh... He's in one of those moods of his again." The rip of Velcro had Gwen's attention snapping back to John. As he fished into his field vest he added, "You're going need this."

Of all the things Gwen expected someone to pull out of a pocket, a small lemon certainly wasn't one of them. Without a word of explanation he set it down on top of everything she was holding.

About to ask its purpose, Gwen heard the door open and whirled around with a start. Thinking it was Dr. McKay but instead, it was a slightly flustered woman with brown almond shaped eyes behind large glasses. In relief, Gwen turned back to find John catching up with Ronon, Michael and the two guards who had already rounded a corner.

Holding her things plus the lemon, Gwen wondered who Michael was and because of what just happened, would it mean a trip to Elizabeth's office. The lemon also puzzled her, however she didn't get time to think too long on the subjects.

After giving a little jump at finding her so soon, the short and slight woman grabbed her. She pulled her down the corridor with surprising strength. While in a hushed voice she explained, "It would be wise if we wait to return. Dr. McKay needs to have some quiet time now. Do not worry. He is easy to handle. We will bring him back some coffee. I will show you how he likes it. When we return tell him you thought to get him some. And that was why you were late." Frowning a little in uncertainty, she let go and added, "You're Dr. Gwen Reyes, yes?

"Just Gwen is fine."

"Ah good, I am Dr. Miko Kusanagi. Normally everyone calls each other by their last name but you may call me just Miko if you like," she offered her hand but kept walking.

Gwen adjusted what she carried to free hers to take it, but a soft thump, confirmed she had dropped at least one item. Spotting the something being yellow and rolling away, she let out a breath in relief. It didn't seem too important and putting it out of her mind she focused on shaking the woman's hand. "Okay Miko," she agreed but then returned to the previous subject. "Dr. McKay... The coffee... Won't he see through that?"

Miko paused, "No." Catching herself in a reflective surface she frowned. Noticing the state of her hair, she walked up to the glass like surface of the window. "It always works," she explained and worked to put her hair into a tidier bun. Satisfied she smiled and added, "But he's brilliant when it comes to anything that doesn't involve people."

"Oh," Gwen realized more than commented on what Miko had said. Not missing the how, for the tone of praise in the woman's voice was evident. And if Gwen had any doubts about a crush, Miko's primping dispelled them. When they finally entered the mess hall Gwen ventured, "Does he usually yell at you–I mean, everyone like that?"

"Only when he is under stress, hungry and also when he is tired," Miko listed off and grabbed not just one cup but two for Rodney.

"So most of the time?"

"Yes," Miko laughed good-naturedly. Glowing a bit, she gently defended his character, "But his mood has improved greatly since I first met him. He works very hard. Too hard and forgets to take care of himself. And at times he is under a lot of pressure. Few people can keep up with his thinking process. It frustrates him when he has to slow down for us and waste time explaining things to get us caught up. Try to keep up and he will not yell at you."

"Oh how encouraging," Gwen grimaced and watched as Miko showed her how Rodney liked his coffee.

Miko laughed as she added the two sugar packets to each of Rodney's cups, "He's not as bad as you think. You will see." Narrowing her eyes slyly, Miko finished with, "You'll learn to handle him."


	3. Chapter 2: You and Me

Chapter 2: You and Me

.oOo.

Michael's appointment with Dr. Kate Heightmeyer had fallen through and for what reason, as usual they had not told him. Normally it would have bothered him but now he didn't care. Because it meant one less time he didn't have to put up with her gentle but uncomfortable interrogation to discuss his feelings and thoughts about various things. More importantly, he was returned to his room sooner than he expected.

When they left, Michael wanted to pull out the devise immediately. To study what he managed to slip into his pocket when the woman from the hall, Ronon, John and the two guards weren't looking. Unfortunately, it hadn't been for very long and most of what she was carrying was either too big or of no use for possible escape. Except for one item, which he had never seen before seemed to hold promise. Even if it turned out unhelpful, at least it would give him something to do.

He didn't know why he had this nagging feeling to get out of the city. Sometimes he felt trapped here, even though they told him this was home and offered all they could, a guess as to what caused the loss of his memory. But no matter how many times they explained it, something didn't feel right and he knew instinctively that at the very least, they weren't telling him everything.

_After all, why are they watching me so closely? Why are some of them nervous and even afraid around me? And worse, why does Ronon Dex hate me?_

True Michael agreed to cooperate, but only for the time being. If things didn't improve soon he would be left with no choice but to rebel in some way. His days held little interest and were downright mind-numbing in schedule. He wanted to do something different and decide when to do it without being followed by guards or cameras. To talk with others, learn and contribute to the good of the colony he was now a part of. Maybe then he hoped his mind would be at ease. The isolation and little real contact he received now were unbearable. His mind, felt too quiet and empty.

He no longer cared if they felt he wasn't ready. He also no longer cared for the questions. Not just Dr. Heightmeyer but all of them seemed to do was ask him the same ones over and over again. It was a constant reminder of the blanks within his mind as well it filled him with only more worry over it.

Unconsciously he picked up the framed photograph of his parents. The lack of any feeling for them had him hastily putting it back down. Running a hand through his hair, Michael's glance bounced back and forth from his bed to his nightstand.

Even nights and the little sleep coming with them held no relief. Strange nightmares had him wakening up in a sweat. Always they were about the Wraith, of him walking among them in the corridors of a hive ship. But the most disturbing one he had so far was when he dreamed about rising to get a drink of water but the mirror to his right did not hold his reflection. He found himself jumping at what he saw there instead: a wraith with eyes wide and sharp teeth bared and letting out a horrified howl.

Often when he couldn't get back to sleep, he spent time staring at his shaking hands. Checking and re-checking them. They looked strange to him somehow and he didn't know why.

Stuffing them now into his pockets, he felt the stolen item in his left. Now trying to determine its use would at least kill some free time, which he had in no short supply.

Mindful of the surveillance cameras, he walked to his bed to lie down. Reaching it, he feigned a yawn, rubbed his eyes and got under the covers. Putting the last to use, he carefully pulled out and studied the thin white rectangular shaped item. White coated wires were bunched and secured with a black elastic band. Removing it and unwinding the wires around it proved tricky under the covers. But it was necessary to access the controls. Shifting to his stomach he used his pillow and head to block the cameras so he could examine the white knobs on the ends of each of the wires. Putting them down, he then hesitantly tested each of the buttons. With no results, till he slid one over then pressed another.

A tinny sound emitted from the knobs. He picked one of them up again and slowly drew it closer to his face. A woman's voice rose up. But it sounded odd. It was drawn out in a dramatic flare with rhythmic noise in the back ground. And sometimes it overpowered the voice. He couldn't make it out what she was saying.

Perhaps this is a communication devise, he thought. Squinting in concentration he brought the knob to the side of his head closest to the pillow. Then something occurred to him and experimentally he put the end into his left ear. It fitted there and he realized that must be what its purpose was for now he could hear what she was saying.

Absently he pulled the covers up higher and put the other knob into his right ear. He listened till the sounds died away. Trying to get it back he pressed another button and Michael got a different noise for his efforts. When the voices started up, they were talking quietly. What they said Michael had trouble following. Finding the volume, he turned it up. Suddenly a loud masculine shout had him jumping. The tone of it seemed darker, angry and yet sullen.

_"I've become... Impossible..."_

Half listening to the words and the noise Michael looked over the item again carefully and finally noticed the tiny display screen. Probably, he guessed it had come on when he had managed to activate the devise. It bore a list of items in the script he was just beginning to learn.

"We're in this..." he worked out. Staring at the highlighted text hard he broke down the long word, "To...get...her."

Distracted, he didn't notice at first how his foot started to move to the steady beat within the noise. Frowning he risked a quick peek over the covers-of course it immediately stopped.

Suspicious, Michael looked at the devise in his hand and wondered if it was more ominous than it appeared. The sounds it was currently emitting seemed so, for it had made a part of his body move seemingly of its own accord. He frowned again, removed the devise from his ears and worked more on translating the words on the tiny screen. Time passed and feeling no long term ill effects he felt it was worth the risk to try and listen to the devise again. Even though now conscious of the manipulation, he immediately felt an urge to move in sync with the beats. But finding the urge to move easy to resist, he relaxed and tried to make out the words the man was screaming through the noise. So caught up in the task, Michael wasn't aware as his foot started to move once again in time with the beats.

With the knobs blasting in his ears he also didn't register the slow but steady footsteps coming down the hall. When the door behind him unexpectedly opened Michael froze. Carefully he worked to quiet the devise before pulling out the knobs.

"Good afternoon Michael," Dr. Carson Beckett greeted in his usual cheery voice.

Hearing him set down a tray on his desk, Michael didn't need to glance at the clock to confirm it was time for his daily medication. He also didn't want to look at what Dr. Beckett had put down. The blood collecting supplies didn't bother him. A butterfly needle was nothing but the already loaded sizable injecting syringe which held a clear neon green drug was not.

"Are we feelin' alright?" Dr. Beckett's tone seemed light but Michael could still detect the other usual aspects in the man's voice. The worry and guilt in Dr. Beckett comment, "I heard you didn' eat too much this mornin'."

_Ah yes the guards,_ Michael thought bitterly and wondered what else they reported. How many times he had coughed, scratched his nose and whatever else seemingly mundane thing he had done since waking up this morning. Evenly Michael started, "Just tried a few new things like you suggested."

"Oh? Like what?"

While trying to find a way to shut down the devise, Michael described what he put on his plate. Then reported what he actually sampled and what had happened as a result to buy more time but he didn't bring up observing the man and the woman. Bunching up the wires hastily he changed the topic.

"I think I might take a nap after you go. I'm still tired from Teyla's session from this morning. Or do you think it's my diabetes?" he asked buying more time to slip everything under his pillow.

"Dunno, could be you're trouble sleeping too. Let me take a sample of your blood first and we'll see," Dr. Beckett said as he picked up what he needed. Michael finally got up, turned to him and without having to be asked offered his left arm.

.oOo.

**End Notes:** Songs Michael was listening to were Nine Inch Nails - "We're In This Together" and Alanis Morissette - "Everything" And yes I know...the Carson accent is so-so. ;)


	4. Chapter 3: Coffee

**Chapter 3: Coffee**

**.oOo.**

Miko had been right. Return bearing gifts after a cooling off period was the trick to disarm a further explosive outburst from Rodney. He was in fact pleasantly surprised by the coffee. A quick narrow glance at Gwen when he took the offered cups from Miko showed them a possibility that he wasn't a complete lost cause when it came to understanding people.

"Four sugars each right?" he asked distractedly, to neither one of them in particular. Too busy taking a sip. Then letting out a big satisfied sigh, he took several more bigger drinks. Savoring the flavor, he didn't notice the questioning look Gwen threw Miko.

The woman only grinned but became solemn once again when Rodney after swallowing, opened his eyes. Looking to Gwen, he noticed all that she was holding and inquired, "What happened?"

Following his gaze from the state of her hair to a crack in the plastic of her laptop, Gwen offered nervously, "I ah... Sorta dropped it on my way here."

"Then I would suggest you fix it first. Then get the proper accessories so when you drop it again you'll save yourself some trouble. Now let me ask again and this time please do explain, what happened?" he asked again and put the coffee down and waited.

Gwen resisted the urge to fuss with her tangled up hair. Instead she straightened and admitted, "I was late."

"Yes," Rodney gave a grin but the impatience in it was growing by the second. "That much is obvious Dr. Reyes. So is the question. And I wonder how many times do I have to ask. Why were-"

"Dr. McKay?" Miko calmly stepped closer and interrupted with, "Are you not, still busy? If so, allow me to show Gwen around for you."

Suddenly looking a little uncomfortable he lowered his voice and agreed, "Actually, that sounds perfect." Pausing he looked about before adding even lower, "Sorry if I was-before when I... Well I'm better now."

Miko gave him a small forgiving smile. Then head high she made her way to Gwen. Once out of earshot her mouth split into a wider one as she finally explained, "I will have him drinking it black within the year. He eats entirely too much sugar!"

Not wanting to press her luck, Gwen hid hers and decided to save her questions about Michael for later. Miko as promised showed her around and introduced her to the others. Most she had already met aboard the _Daedalus_ but only in passing. Anybody setting foot on the Earth ship had little time for chit chat.

Everyone was polite and mostly friendly but soon reabsorbed themselves in their work. Lastly Miko showed Gwen to her work space before settling down to her own.

Finally finding a moment to address her hair, Gwen patted down her pockets. But not finding what she was looking for decided, "I must have forgotten it." Plopping down with a grimace she assessed the damage to her items from the fall. Her expression deepened when she grumbled, "Oh this just keeps getting better and better. I lost my music too?"

It was then Radek and Rodney began to argue. Wincing at the battle of egos she watched everyone try to focus on their work harder. Sighing Gwen decided mentally, _Yep... Without some tunes this is going to be a very long day._

An hour crawled by. Twenty or so minutes ago Rodney was crowing in success, Radek was hurling insults in his native tongue and now they were both laughing about something.

During that time Gwen found her computer's operating system wasn't working. But at least the hard drive was intact. Gwen sighed in relief, backed up the information on it to another laptop and as Radek left, she in curiosity began a careful examination to assess why the operating system had failed.

With Radek gone, Rodney settled down and said little unless he needed something or needed someone to get out of his way. When he noticed Gwen was still working on fixing her laptop he said. "Oh, put that away already and get over here. I was kidding about fixing it. Just try to retrieve any pertinent data and-"

"I've already done that Dr. McKay," she reported before reaching his side.

"Well in that case, get a new one if you want tomorrow." Rodney next handed over a data pad carefully. When she took it he mumbled, "Just try not to drop this okay?"

Taking a firmer grip than necessary on it, Gwen gave him a serious look. Showing him she wasn't about to and hoped the sooner he forgot about her being late and dropping things the better.

As they sat down to work, he absently attempted small talk, "So where are you from?"

"Blanco, Texas."

"Never heard of it."

"Well it's pretty small, near Canyon Lake sorta between Austin and San Antonio. Actually I grew up on a ranch outside of town."

"Huh and I thought everything was big in Texas."

Gwen couldn't help adding with a grin, "Yeah like I haven't heard that one before, Sir."

"Please don't call me that, Dr. McKay will do." He then wondered aloud, "You said you lived outside of town, what on a ranch? What were you a cowgirl or something?"

"Sure, you could say that. Since, I did my fair share of chores on the ranch."

In her peripheral vision, she noted Rodney gave her an inquiring glance. Focusing on what was on the data pad she refused to elaborate.

_Sure beats being called a goatgirl,_ Gwen thought and gave a secret yet slightly pained smile at her high school nick name. Even though her family was well off like the other families in the area, she was still teased with the name due to what her family raised, not cattle but just goats and a few horses.

Also a little luck had helped too. Her great grandparents started with just a small parcel of rough land and stumbled upon a modest pocket of silver. Yet even though it didn't take long for the mine to run out her grandparents were able to purchase more land and animals. And passing the land along with the tradition of working hard, saving and investing rather than spending to maintain an image had kept her family well into the black.

The values were thoroughly ground into her. Growing up, she as well as her sister and two brothers had no idea the full extent of their family's finances. They were safe and comfortable but beyond that, they were too busy to give money much thought between their ranch duties and school work. And later on, at the reading of their parents will, three years ago the news of the exact extent had come as quite a shock.

Realizing he wasn't going to get any more on that subject, Rodney changed it. "So what brought you here?"

"The usual, boredom - wanted a challenge," Gwen said although that was only the beginning of it. After her parents' death in a random car accident, her siblings had coped in various ways. Her younger brother moved to Las Vegas and was probably having too much fun. Her older brother, sister-in-law and their children settled into work by taking over the responsibilities of running the ranch. And her older sister with husband in tow decided to travel. Gwen had coped by burrowing herself deeper into her work.

"Ah," Rodney mumbled in understanding. It wasn't the first time he got that loaded answer or that distant look of homesickness. "Well, you're certainly not alone. At least in that matter," he offered before being redrawn back into the Wraith programming codes they were deciphering.

Gwen appreciated his understanding but was also grateful he wasn't asking her anymore questions. More quiet time passed. Only when Gwen felt he was completely relaxed, did she finally decided to give collecting more information about Michael a try. It was also shortly after Rodney had something to eat and taken more coffee into his system. All brought to him by Miko, Rodney did thanked her, however distractedly.

"Dr. McKay?" A grunt was all Gwen got but she took it as a good sign and continued, "I was just wondering if you know a Michael."

He didn't look up but stuck out his hand for a tool. "Michael who? What is there like three or four here at least?"

Squinting at what he was doing she scanned over the five that were sitting well within his reach. When Rodney started snapping for it, holding her breath she handed over her best guess. It was the right one and he continued to work. Letting out a relieved breath she added, "Well that's what I would like to know. I didn't have much time when I bumped into him with Colonel Sheppard, Specialist Dex and some other military personnel out in the hallway earlier."

Rodney didn't say anything for the longest time, he just kept on working. But she didn't miss the fact that he was doing so slower as if he was figuring out what to say next. Finally he asked, "Oh... Well how do – I mean, why would you want to know about Lieutenant Kenmore?"

Gwen took a moment to observe Rodney's nervous twitching smile before feigning a casual shrug, "I think he might have accidently taken my iPod and I'd like it back is all."

That finally earned his full interest and had him firing questions in rapid succession, "You're what? What's an iPod? When?"

"Wow I forgot you've been away for..." at his panicked look she hastened to explain, "Well it's like a walkman only better. You can put up to-"

"The point," Rodney reminded impatiently.

"It's harmless, what's the matter?"

He relaxed a little but still demanded, "How did he get it."

"I told you, accidently. We bumped into each other in the hallway when I was heading here. I dropped all of my stuff and he was kind enough to help me pick things up."

Getting up, he corrected, "No you left that last part out."

Not wanting to get Rodney further worked up or Michael into trouble she started to back pedal, "Actually-you know what? I can go back to my quarters and double check that I didn't forget it this morning or maybe it's still somewhere in one of the halls. Or maybe it's even the mess hall, come to think of it. How about I double check?" She moved to leave.

But Rodney got in front of her and held up a hand haltingly, "Oh no Missy you can do that later. Anything else turn up missing?"

She didn't like that worried look he had and she really doubted it was over her being deprived of music.

"Not that I'm aware of but let me check to see if I still have those latest Dart circuitry schematics from Dr. Zelenka," she delivered deadpan. But she took a slightly wicked joy in watching her boss's eyes bug since she had already double checked hours ago that she wasn't missing anything else.

Rodney jerked but noticed the playful glint in Gwen's eyes, narrowed his and muttered, "That wasn't funny, Reyes."

She shrugged again and tried for a disarming smile, "I try. Besides what's the big deal if he's got it. It's just a bunch of music files. He probably didn't even realize he kept it since they'll seemed to be in a hurry and-"

"You have got to be kidding me! What delusional little world did you come from?"

Gwen opened her mouth to give him the obvious answer but Rodney pointed a finger at her. "Don't," he warned then looked about grimacing and blinking. "I need... I need to go talk to Elizabeth. Ah... Stay here." Turning to Miko as he walked to the door he ordered, "Keep an eye on her. I'll be right back."

Incredulous, Gwen watched him quickly leave the lab then asked, "What just happened? They're not going to fire me over this are they? I just got here and sending me back would be-"

"Of course not," Miko reassured. But then drew closer to ask, "Nobody has told you about Lieutenant Kennmore?"

"No," Gwen frowned at keeping herself too busy as of late. Spotting what Miko was working on Gwen automatically offered, "Need help?"

"I guess it is to be expected since you have just transferred," Miko nodded and handing her the clear attached slyest, used for rerouting and reprogramming the crystal like Ancient circuit panels.

"Yeah," Gwen admitted and made a mental note to try to keep her head above the sand and below the clouds more often. Twiddling the slyest nervously in her fingers she tried to joke, "I suppose nobody's gotten around to it. I missed a memo or something."

They went back to work. At least Gwen tried but when she couldn't focus, she blurted out, "Why do I get the distinct impression from everyone so far that he's in some kind of trouble?"

Even though Miko was told why, it was second hand information. Various reasons and rumors were circulating and she didn't know what to believe. Unsure what to admit, she shook her head slowly and decided on, "It's not what he's done."

To that Gwen felt a chill slither down her spine but it didn't stop her asking, "What do you mean by that?"

.oOo.


	5. Chapter 4: The Lemon

**Chapter 4: The Lemon**

**.oOo.**

Once outside of the lab, Rodney paused. Partly it was because he wasn't sure which way to go. All he could do is envision the guards being slowly choked to death with the iPod's cables. Choosing to head to where they were holding Michael, he tapped his ear piece to open a private channel to Dr. Weir. "Um, Elizabeth? We got a possible problem with Michael."

There was just the slightest edginess to her normally disciplined tone as she responded, "Rodney, what do you mean? Actually just a second," she interrupted quickly and he waited while she opened the channel to John before giving the, "Okay go ahead." After he explained what he learned from Gwen, Elizabeth asked, "John did you get that?"

"Yeah," his voice came in over the channel. "Tell Rodney to calm down. I doubt this is a serious issue. The guards might have some if Michael decides to bust a move. But they'll live. I'm on my way now to get it back."

"I think I'll join you, Weir out."

"Bust a move? Yeah right," Rodney mumbled and kept walking. Already on his way there too he decided to continue and see what would happen.

But his foot kicked something and seeing what it was, Rodney froze. Watching it tumble end over end until it came to a spinning stop, several feet away, smack dab in the middle of the hallway he needed to go down.

"Who put that there?" Rodney asked, his voice going just a little bit higher. Looking about for answers only one person passing closely by shrugged, Rodney ignored him but cursed another.

"Sheppard," he nearly growled, jerked his chin up and sucked in a long breath through his nose. Holding it, he gingerly walked around the yellow menace. When he got around it, he looked back. It just sat there, seemingly benign.

"You think that's gonna stop me? Well you can think again." Looking down his nose in triumph at it, Rodney began to move. And he did so quickly, to put as much space between him and the lemon as possible.

**.oOo.**

Blood drawn and injection over with, Michael rubbed his arm and stared at his pillow as Dr. Beckett left. Alone again he thought over what to do with what was underneath it next. Despite his earlier concerns about it being a manipulation devise of sorts, a lack of ill effects after two exposures now had him doubting his first assumption.

In his mind he replayed some of the first words that he heard from the devise. Then he said it aloud, "You see everything. You see every part. You see all my life. And you love my dark."

Michael settled down into the bed, pulled up the blanket and beneath it he took the devised out. He wondered if he could find those words once more. Again remembering the camera he discreetly put the knobs into his ears before turning the devise back on. It didn't take him long to find the file and carefully he listened to the entirety of it.

It seemed to offer information but of the most useless sort. Still he found himself relaxing when he replayed it. As it ended he switched through the files and discovered another which seemed to have the same woman's voice in it as the first.

It made his eyelids grow heavy. Closing them his thoughts turned to the man and the woman's hands and what they did. The other woman, the one from the hallway also came to his mind. Along with the feel of her fresh smelling, damp, shoulder length hair. Thin jet black cords of it had whipped his face, when they had slammed into one another.

Despite her squeezed shut eyes, he found her features were well balanced. Her lightly bronzed complexion was clear and smooth but there was a quite strength beneath the at the time flustered surface. Her face was more angular and sharp compared to the other women he had seen and he had admired the strong set of her jaw as it became determined when Ronon attempted to stop him from helping her.

Yet what he found, he like the most about her were her eyes. They were penetrating, intelligent and nearly black. Now in refection, he identified the expressions in them, on a conscious level. Visualizing her face clearly he once again enjoyed her smile, nervous, embarrassed and yet so much like the way the woman from the mess hall had looked at the man. It had turned radiant when Michael offered his help to her for the second time while John and Ronon argued.

Opening his eyes, Michael stared at his hand and remembered the warmth of her contact. His unconscious action of holding it longer than necessary, which at the time confused him, was starting to make sense now.

Lying there, he still had trouble putting words to what he was now experiencing. For once, completely off guard and deep in thought he was slow to react to what happened next. He hadn't heard someone entering his room but he did hear the steps towards his bed. They were not Dr. Beckett's casual pace. They were quick and bearing down upon him fast. Whoever it was they were nearly upon him. Thinking it also might be Ronon, he threw back the covers quickly with no time to hide the devise.

"You know Michael-hey easy there!" John halted and quickly tried to smooth over, "I'm sorry, didn't mean to startle yah."

Once on his feet, Michael blinked at him, realizing who it was and in confusion at the apology. But he wasn't about to relax as he eyed the man warily, glanced at the door and wondered if he had come alone.

To ease the tension John said flippantly, "I know... that wasn't very nice of me but it's also not very nice to take something that isn't yours either. Dr. Reyes will be wanting that back eventually." Noting the way Michael watched the door John assumed, "She's not here by the way, if that's what you're worried about."

Feeling a little foolish, immediately Michael relaxed and it took him a moment to register what John wanted, "Who wants this?"

"Dr. Gwen Reyes and," John pointed to the devise, "that is hers." When Michael said nothing, he added, "Look it's no big deal but if you wanted some music all you had to do was ask."

"Gwen," he said the name slowly. The feel of it was vaguely familiar yet bittersweet upon his lips. Coming back to John and what he had called the noise he asked unsure of it's purpose, "Music?"

John gave him a surprised look and explained, "You listen to it, tap a foot or bob your head. Pretty much what you were doing before I came in." His smile faded when Michael did not say anything more. To fill the silence John continued, "You know, sing along - some like to dance to it."

John moved a little to demonstrate. With what seemed to be a pained look Michael watched the other man tap his feet deftly. But Michael didn't suffer for very long. Remembering Michael wasn't the only one watching, John quickly stopped. A little bit embarrassed, he tried for a casual shrug and tone, "So I'm a little rusty. Plus trust me when I say, its way better with the proper shoes." Then with lips pressed together he gave the cameras a sideways glance before holding out his hand.

Michael turned the music off, winded the cords but before handing it over he paused, "So... This is not a shared item? Like a tool everyone can use?"

"No, it belongs to just her, although if you ask her nicely she just might let you borrow it next time."

Ignoring his extended hand, Michael asked one more question, "Then may I see her again?"

Michael didn't miss the hint of alarm that flashed in the man's eyes. But John kept his tone light, "I don't know. I'll have to ask about that, why?"

"I would like to know more about this... music." Finally Michael handed over the iPod and added, "That and apologize for taking this without asking."

"Well, let me see what I can do, okay?" John gave a nod and left.

Watching him go Michael didn't get his hopes up. Picking up the tossed aside blankets to make his bed something dropped from the folds. Quickly he bent down and found it was the band which had been around the devise to secure the cables. Distractedly he sat down on the bed to take a closer look at it. He mulled over how a few of her jet black hairs were caught on it before he gave a slow sigh, put it into his pocket and went back to making his bed.

**.oOo.**

Outside John ran into a glaring Rodney. When he was about to say something, John held up a hand, "Relax. He was just listening to it."

"That's it? I doubt it." Shaking a finger at him, Rodney smirked, "Nice dancing by the way."

Ignoring the taunt John rocked to his toes and he threw back in good humor, "Thanks. And those, I'll have you know weren't even my best moves."

Elizabeth spotted what John held and asked, "Any troubles getting it back? What did he have to say?"

John shrugged, handed her the iPod and answered, "He didn't put up too much of a fuss. Asked a few questions and then asked if he could see her again."

"I beg your pardon?"

Rodney over her exclaimed, "What!"

"Hey!" John furrowed his brows at Rodney and muttered, "I thought you were watching,"

"There was no sound, just the monitors, okay!"

"Nah I think you were just blown away by my –"

"Oh yeah right! I was so enthralled, Fred As..." Rodney dropped off when he saw Elizabeth wasn't listening but thinking. Watching an idea form in her eyes Rodney started shaking his head, "Oh no. No-no, you've got to be kidding me-please don't go there. Whatever it is exactly, it's probably not a very good idea." Looking to John, he pleaded, "Am I going to be the only sane and rational voice here?"

"This, from someone who blew up an entire solar-"

"It was an accident!" Rodney blurted out, squeezed his eyes tightly shut and sighed, "Look Sheppard how many times do you have to bring that up?"

John pretended to think on that but he was really just waiting. Since Elizabeth had yet to reveal her exact plan, John wasn't about to form an exact opinion on it.

Coming back to them she finally spoke, "We need to talk with her, now."

**.oOo.**

**End Notes:** I couldn't help putting in a bit of humor about Rodney's issues with citrus and apparently John having tap lessons growing up. ;)


	6. Chapter 5: Right where it belongs

Chapter 5: Right where it belongs

.oOo.

Not wanting to start or help spread possible existing rumors, Miko lowered her voice and tried to stick to just the facts, "What I mean is... Our concern is what has been done to him."

Gwen connected the dots with the things she too had partially overheard while aboard the _Daedalus_ and guessed, "So that's him?" With her expression becoming pained she hesitantly inquired, "What exactly happened?"

Miko shrugged in frustration, "I don't know-I don't think they entirely know either."

Stomach churning Gwen tried not to think about, what else her former crew mates had speculated over in regards to Michael. She had never caught the name only they bits of gossip about him. One claimed that when some of the senior staff had first brought him back, all he had done for nearly a week was howl, as if he was in unspeakable pain. And that he had also shouted various threats and insults at the top of his lungs. Another mentioned how Dr. Beckett had kept him under a strict quarantine. All of her colleagues had agreed at the very least that, the man recovered from the Wraith was no longer the same and felt in some way he was pushed over to the deep end by the experience.

"Yet he seems better now," Gwen thought aloud.

"You think so? I would not know. But perhaps they would know more," Miko pointed to the entrance behind her.

Gwen turned expecting Rodney but it was John and he was all business, even the playful twinkle in his eyes was gone. Drawing close he gave a half smile. But it held a nervous tightness while he whispered, "Dr. Reyes? Dr. Weir wishes to talk with you."

Somberly Gwen moved to follow him but stopped short when Elizabeth entered. Quickly under her breath, Gwen asked John, "Not being escorted to her office is a good sign, right?"

Hearing her, he shrugged and smirked, "Well then again, you never know. She just might want to be discrete."

The twinkle was back. The double take confirmed it. "Oh thanks," Gwen muttered as John gave Miko a polite nod.

Without being asked, Miko along with the few others left for another room in the lab as a flushed Rodney entered.

"It was still there," he mumbled distracted.

John threw Rodney a questioning look then remembered with smirk, "Oh yeah. It was, Gwen must have dropped it."

Incredulous, Rodney looked to her. Gwen winced at his hurt look and with regret, she discreetly gave a pointed look to John. Rodney not missing it gave him an outraged huff, "I knew it! I can't believe this! You gave her-"

"Hey, you were shouting and it's not like I explained to her how-"

"Boys," Elizabeth warned with just that one word. Both men dropped the topic and watched tensely. Being reminded suddenly of her tough but fair sixth grade teacher, Gwen too snapped to respective attention.

Swallowing a little, Gwen doubted this visit had anything to do with her running in the halls or being tardy. Eyeing the three senior staff members she wondered how much trouble she was about to be in for but to Gwen's small relief, Elizabeth didn't seem angry. Instead she was calm and radiated utter control with every precise move she made. With a smile Elizabeth started, "John's told me you've had a run in with Lieutenant Kenmore."

"Yes Dr. Weir, we _accidentally_ bumped into each other." Although attempting casual, Gwen couldn't help stressing that one word.

Elizabeth looked down and nodded thoughtfully. When she looked up, brow arched high she asked, "And he helped you?"

Rodney sniffed in disbelief, "Helped?"

Elizabeth ignored him and handed over the item in question. Warmly she continued, "Well regardless of his motive... John's told me that Michael wishes for the opportunity to apologize in person for taking this."

Gwen took it, blushed, shoved it into her pocket and gave a, "Thank you, Ma'am but it's no big deal really."

"Actually if it's okay with you," Elizabeth paused, took a step closer and finished, "I would still like him to give you that apology."

Rodney made a noise of protest as John threw him a silencing look. But with Elizabeth's plan revealed, John voiced if not an opinion of it but at least his concern. "With all due respect, is that really a good idea? After all, we're still trying to figure out what they have done to him. And if he's been _compromised_ in some way."

"It's a minor risk, John. But after all he's been through this might be a step in the right direction." She crossed her arms and turned back to Gwen, "What do you say? Will you help us?"

If it meant staying out of trouble and making Elizabeth happy, Gwen wasn't about to decline, "Sure if you feel it will help him."

Elizabeth smiled and said simply, "Then come with me. I'll explain the situation we are dealing with along the way."

John and Rodney followed them, several steps behind and the two men bickered the entire way, to one another. About what, Gwen couldn't hear but would place favorable odds it was still something regarding a particular fruit. A few times, it was a struggle to keep a straight face, as they all made their way to Michael's quarters. In fact, Gwen would have laughed about it if she felt she could. But they were the senior staff of the expedition, she was also new and didn't know the waters on what she could or could not get away with yet.

Ignoring Rodney and John, Gwen tried to focus on what Elizabeth was saying about Lt. Kenmore's combat skills, training, capture, rescue and tenuous mental state. Gwen was surprised from all the warning, rules and precautions she was given, that they were even allowing her to speak with him alone, almost.

"He's been through a great deal after he was captured by the Wraith. Dr. Heightmeyer feels because of it he's having trouble connecting with others and that is where we hope you can help us."

"But why me?"

"You're the first person he's shown any interest in and he helped you."

"True, Ma'am but he might have just done that to steal-"

"I'm aware of that possibility but I feel this apology he wants to offer is worth a try again, as a step in the right direction."

As they reached the door Elizabeth lowered her voice and stressed, "Now that you know all of the risks, if you're having second thoughts we'll understand."

To Gwen's uncertain look, John added, "You're not in any trouble for what's happened. Like Elizabeth said, you _don't _have to do this."

John was trying to tell her something more but what, Gwen could not determine beyond it being just a basic warning. She could also tell that he didn't care for this at all. Rodney also seemed uncomfortable with the situation but resigned to it, said nothing and stared at the floor.

Gwen thoughts turned to Michael. Since discovering one of her items missing, she had hoped it was only forgotten or misplaced and not taken. Now she wondered if his help had been nothing more than a ploy and if so, she wanted to know why.

"He should apologize," Gwen decided. "And I'm still willing to hear him out."

"Alright," Elizabeth nodded and started to relax. "Now... If there's a problem-which we doubt there will be, the cameras will let us know. It will take us no time at all to get in there. The guards will be right outside of the door. Ready?"

Although edgy from everyone else's tense mood, Gwen forced her muscles to remain relaxed. Keeping her breaths slow and steady she answered evenly, "Sure."

"Good," Elizabeth stated and gave the guard a nod to let Gwen in.

Through the glass door she spotted Michael sitting on the edge of his bed, looking out the window. When she entered he didn't bother to turn to see who it was, instead he assumed, "Back for more blood Dr. Beckett?"

When Michael didn't get a response, he turned and he commented softly, "Oh... It's you. I didn't think they would have..." he trailed off and looked nervous as she felt.

It helped Gwen realized that she was not the only one. Feeling her heart rate starting to return to normal, she managed, "Hello."

When she gave him a grin, he mirrored it and approached. Stopping arm's length apart from her he asked, "It's Dr. Gwen Reyes, right?" He didn't offer his hand but instead rubbed them nervously on the sides of his thighs.

"Yes, but you can call me Gwen, if you'd like."

"I would. Just call me Michael," his said then looked thoughtful. More to himself than to her he added, "Another doctor... I don't remember you ever assisting Dr. Beckett."

"I'm not a part of his field. I have a doctorate in science rather than medicine."

Confidently he concluded, "A doctor like Dr. McKay then."

"Sorta, I did study some astrophysics but mostly stuck with hardware, encryption and program codes in college."

She could tell he had no idea what that meant. His next question confirmed it, "So you...?"

"I'm currently working under Dr. McKay and Dr. Zelenka. Mainly I do the grunt work to unravel various aspects of Wraith technology. Umm... You know, break it down into parts so if possible we can apply some of what we have gathered to our own. Also I am to look for potential weak-" Gwen cut herself off abruptly and glanced at the camera. Remembering, probably too late one of the rules, Elizabeth had just given. She was under no circumstances, to go into discussing details regarding Wraith, Ancient and any other forms of technology with Michael.

Rolling her eyes at herself, Gwen waved the comment away and tried to recover with, "Never mind. I won't bore you."

Noticing Michael's hands clench at her explanation she realized he was somehow familiar with the rule also and didn't care for it.

"I see," he grumbled and Gwen watched as he started to close off. Like he did before, when leaving with Ronon and the two guards. Keeping her arms loosely at her sides, she looked to the floor a bit dejected.

Since entering college she had been all work and no play. Correction her work was her play and single mindedness at it had gotten her this far. But now unable to talk about her passion Gwen was now for a moment at a loss for words. It also gave her a good shake to how narrowly focused her life had become.

_But not anymore, the auto pilot is now off,_ Gwen realized and determined lifted her eyes back up. Aloud she finally whispered, "No... You don't."

Her frustration rather than her words had him snapping back to attention and they studied one another for a moment. Neither one of them knowing what to say or do next. Finally Michael gestured to the chair at his desk and asked, "Would you care to sit down?"

Gwen without a word took it. When Michael settled back down on the edge of his bed, he took a while before starting, "I am sorry that I took it and I must explain part of the reason why. It was on impulse, I didn't know it was just yours-plus I was bored. I don't know how much you know about my situation but I don't have much to do."

At his gesture to his surroundings, she obliged and looked about them. His sparsely decorated quarters looked hardly lived in and had little personality. There was just a hat, a photo of an elderly couple, another one of him lounging in a beach chair and a small wooden box. Unable to find anything to possibly pass the time besides a laptop on his desk, she agreed, "That's understandable, I guess. But I don't understand, why didn't you think it wasn't mine?"

"I thought it was a shared tool of sorts."

"Oh," she commented and started to realize the extent of his memory loss.

They fell into silence again but after a while, hesitantly he started, "Did you know me at all? Before I was captured?" He looked so hopeful for something-anything new that would tell him more about who he was.

Gwen hated to let him down but said calmly, "No. I didn't arrive till after..." biting her lower lip she didn't bother to finish.

He gave her a confused look but dropped it to ask, "What else did they tell you about what happened to me?"

She leaned in and dropped her voice, "You provided cover fire for your team to get away from the Wraith but then you were captured by them. And before they managed to rescue you, somehow you had lost your memory. They don't know if it was from your injuries or due to something the Wraith did to you. May I ask you some questions?"

"Yes."

"You don't remember anything at all?"

Michael took an obliging moment to search then confirmed, "Nothing."

"Have they tried anything to help you remember?"

"Not lately."

Giving him now a confused look she mumbled absently, "That's odd. But I guess normal. It's only been a little while since you've been brought back. Maybe they feel you're not ready yet."

"Is it also normal for them to be watching me this closely?"

He seemed fine to her now but that was just it. Eyeing one of the cameras in the corner Gwen answered, "I don't know." To his worried look, she quickly continued in the hopes to put at least his mind at ease, "However they probably know what's best. Your situation is new to us. Maybe that's why. We don't know what, if anything the Wraith did to you. I think it's not only for our safety but for yours as well."

Returning her attention back to Michael she found him deep in thought. Gwen took the opportunity to openly study him. To take an admiring note of the lean compact muscle tone of his chest, shoulders, legs and arms. Watching the tendons in the later ripple as his hands moved restlessly over one another. She remembered the feel of them. How his left arm had wrapped around her waist as his right hand clasped her shoulder. His strength when they had run into each other and on how even though she was steadied, he had continued to hold her very close. Pressed to one another, Gwen recalled and bit her lip again.

"Their safety? What about yours?" When she didn't answer, he looked up. Caught she blushed and looked at her own hands. When she worked up the courage to look at him again she found him still staring at her. Tilting his head he asked, "Why do you study me so closely?"

"Ah... I..." Gwen floundered but was saved from answering by John entering.

"The two of you are going to have to wrap things up. Gwen, needs to get back to work," John explained looking from her to Michael.

"Of course," Gwen agreed but had no doubts about what at least John saw and thought. That she and Michael were getting a little too close for comfort.

When she got up, Michael politely did too saying, "I had hoped for more time. We have not had the opportunity to discuss music, yet." She could see his frustration even though he kept it in check.

"Sorry, but you don't wish for her to get into trouble do you?" John questioned and stuffed his hands into his pockets.

"No," Michael said quickly. Turning to her, he added kindly, "It was nice meeting you again, Gwen."

"It was nice meeting you again too," she agreed and suddenly with a smile and idea occurred. After reaching into her pocket she handed the iPod back to him and added, "Speaking of music, here. You can keep it for a few more days. If..." she turned to John and dialed her smile up another notch "...if it's okay?"

John gave the idea some hard thought but caved in with a nod, "Sure why not?"

Michael took it without a word, staring at it a little in disbelief at the generous offer.

Tilting his head towards Gwen and giving Michael a pointed look, John prodded, "You're welcome."

Michael furrowed his brows, watched them go and then understood. "Thank you," he managed to call out before John and Gwen left.

She paused at the threshold, met his eyes warmly and grinned. "No problem."

.oOo.

**End Notes:** I made the assumption that only the senior members and a few other personnel of the expedition knew what Michael truly was and to my knowledge the show never made that point very clear. Given the ethical issues they struggled with in this experiment it would seem logical that what happened was on a need to know bases.


	7. Chapter 6: Every day is

Chapter 6: Every day is...

.oOo.

Michael sat in the sun lit room and stared through Dr. Kate Heightmeyer as she patiently waited for an answer. But he didn't want to give one, instead his mind drifted back to yesterday. When Gwen had left and alone once again in his chamber it felt even emptier than before. He now pondered over the ache that filled him then. Was it because she was gone? Or was it the quietness that pressed in over him?

At the time he was to busy to work fast to free the cords. As he slipped in the ear buds he had realized something with a smile. Not only did she give him something to pass the time with, but also a possible reason to see her again.

Turning the iPod on, he flopped down onto the bed, stretched out, put his arms behind his head and he closed his eyes. Carefully he listened to the words and appreciated how the music pushed away the suffocating silence. And in that moment Michael finally felt himself for the very first time, since he could remember, truly being happy.

Giving a small frustrated sigh Dr. Heightmeyer repeated more firmly, "Why did you help Dr. Reyes pick up her things?"

He found her persistence odd, for earlier she had commented, "Oh Michael I heard you ran into someone yesterday on the way to my office." And then like so many times after a question or a comment she grew quiet and waited for him to respond. And oh how he hated those silences because they made him want to talk just to fill them.

The problem was he really didn't want to talk, especially to her. Since she didn't ask a question Michael didn't feel the need to elaborate and only offered, "yes" and thought the subject was settled.

"Michael?"

Shifting in his chair he looked out the windows which took up the entire exterior wall. Like the room they were narrow. The shadows produced in the late afternoon threw bars over everything. The view beyond held nearly the same one from every room. It held nothing but ocean and the city which floated upon it. He hated it, the windows, the walls and nearly everything about this place. It felt dead here and artificial.

Glaring at Dr. Heightmeyer, Michael asked, "Why do you want to know?"

She leaned back and crossed her legs. "Conversation, would you rather talk about something else?"

More silence and it had Michael snapping, "Because Dr. Reyes dropped them!"

"But she could have picked them up by herself."

"She ran into me."

"Yes, so I heard. But why help her?"

Frowning Michael answered, "What does it matter? When you've already decided why I did it."

"I haven't decided anything. I just want to know how you feel about what happened."

"How I feel?" he paused and gave a tight frustrated smile. He hated that question and its various versions simply due to there repetition. Slowly he asked, "You really want to know about how I feel? It's simple, you won't believe me when I say, 'I just wanted to help her.' _That_, is how I feel."

"And you took the iPod because?"

"Ah see? I told you," he pointed at her. As she said nothing, he gave the question honest thought and finally admitted, "I don't know why I took it. I didn't know what it was. I'm bored. I want to get back to work. When do you think I can go back?"

Gently she pressed. "We've already been over this today. We still can't let you, not yet. I'm sorry."

_I doubt that!_ Michael thought with fists tightening. Aloud he demanded, "Then give me something to do."

"Like what?"

"Besides getting out of this damm city?" he asked, got up, he began to pace. "I really don't honestly care. Just make it new. Give me some space. Stop hovering over me. I'm tired of sitting in my room or the mess. I'm tired of going for walks or sparring."

"Very well, let me see what we can do."

"Right," Michael grunted and headed for the door. "Enough of this, see you tomorrow Doc."

**.oOo.**

At their daily meeting later that afternoon, Elizabeth decided to not address the issue of Michael till the very end. For she knew once it was brought up her team would find it hard to move on to other matters. As time passed, Elizabeth found it rather amazing that nobody else did. Although unvoiced, she could still see the shadowy concern hang over all of them. Pressing and unpleasant but for the time being, it was ignored and postponed, she realized when their meeting was going longer than usual.

But at last the current Athosian crop yields, on the mainland were winding down. All other topics covered, Elizabeth turned to Dr. Carson Beckett and finally addressed, "How is Michael doing?"

"For the time being he's do'in well. According to the blood I drew yesterday he's stable at his current level dosage," Carson answered. Staring at the table, he then sighed, "However we're still far off from a permanent solution. For now, he will still need to keep takin' the retro-virus daily."

Kate started with her report next, "He has mentioned trouble sleeping. The cameras confirmed he has been having nightmares but he is reluctant to disclose there details. I wouldn't be surprised if they had something to do about his previous life."

"So you're saying, he might remember something?" Rodney asked looking at them all concerned.

Kate shook her head, "It's possible. We know only a little of how our own brains work let alone a Wraith's. I would suggest we reinforce to him that they are only nightmares."

Colonel Steven Caldwell of the _Daedalus_ pressed with, "But I thought you said that the reto-virus altered his brain structure."

"Aye yes it has," Carson confirmed. "At least from what I've seen in the scans, however as Dr. Heightmeyer was sayin'. We don't know exactly how the brain works-his especially."

Kate also interrupted with, "But one thing we do know is it can heal. How well depends on age."

"Oh yes," Rodney agreed but his voice oozed with sarcasm. "Let's not forget that Wraith are wonderful at that. Carson I'm surprised you didn't bring that up."

"Couldn't we up his dosage, just to be safe?" John suggested.

Carson frowned, "I'd rather no' resort to that."

Agreeing, Kate added, "It might not help matters anyways. As I've said before, the change in his mind might not be due solely to physical changes. The trauma of the transformation to a human, might be what is contributing to suppressing his past memories."

"Still Carson," Elizabeth insisted, "let's keep it an option." Putting aside that particular aspect of the issue she looked to Rodney, "Have you or anyone else working with Dr. Gwen Reyes heard her say anything more about Michael?"

Rodney grimaced and mumbled, "Not that I'm aware of, why?"

Elizabeth ignored the question and asked instead, "Could you find out?"

"Frankly, I've been too busy, since witnessing her making googley eyes at him in his quarters. Although, there's someone I have in mind to ask. Let me try her and get back to you. She might know more. Again, why?"

Not witnessing the event but the one from the hallway, Ronon's imagination filled in the details. He made a face as if he had just smelled something bad and muttered, "Disgusting."

Elizabeth was about to answer Rodney's question when Carson asked one of his own, "Beg your pardon? But who's Gwen?"

John gave a nod towards Steven and explained, "She's new, was lost and ran into Michael in the hallway. He helped her and there seems to be," he paused for the right word and decided on, "an interest between them."

Carson growing agitated inquired, "An interest? Are you doin' what I think you're doin' with these two? It's not right. At least for Gwen's–"

"We're not," Elizabeth assured. Raising a swearing hand, she stressed, "Hear me out on this, Carson. It's all up to them."

"But is she capable of-"

"Yes," Kate chimed in. And she pushed over the opened file, upon her data pad to Carson and added, "Dr. Weir contacted me to meet them outside of Michael's quarters. From the cameras, I observed Gwen's interactions with him and it went well. Since then I have looked over her file."

Carson took a minute to look at Gwen's psychological profile and credentials. But then shook his head and protested, "I still don' approve of this idea. So what if she knows how to defend herself? I'm sure she's no black belt. Look'ere!" He pointed at the screen. "She's barely passed the minimum physical requirements. She's yet to log in more sparing time to improve."

When Kate opened her mouth, Carson squashed the point she was about to make, "And I don' care if the psychological profile spouts that she's a moral rock. And yes according to this she may have had," he gave the file a dismissive wave and stressed, "_some_ psychological training. But a few classes? All this combined, she's still no shrink nor match for his–"

"Carson's right, that's what I said from the beginning!" Rodney interrupted then also emphasized each of his following words, "_This is a very bad idea!_"

"It's the only one we have," Elizabeth argued and crossed her arms. Leaning forward upon her elbows she slowly explained, "Look we all know is this is new territory we're getting into. But our ultimate goal is to see if we can fully integrate him. And how are we to do that when we keep him away from everyone?"

The question sat there, unanswered. Everyone stared to one another, not sure what to say. Ronon acted instead. Without a word he got up and left. Already he had voiced his view on the matter. It had been ignored and now he refused to be no more a part of it then necessary. The whole idea he found was a complete joke and a very dangerous one at that.

All he could do now was keep at a certain distance and watch for Michael to eventually show them all what he truly was: a Wraith. Nothing would or could change that, in Ronon's mind and the only thing left was to wait, until Michael attempted to hurt someone. Feeling the comforting weight of his Satedan gun, Ronon had already knew what setting he would use. The one he always used when dealing with Wraith, before even his days of being a runner for their amusement. Regardless of the consequences, he would put a deadly stop to the experiment when the opportunity came.

Quietly, they all watched him go. Elizabeth pressed her lips together in a hard frustrated line.

Teyla Emmagan warrior, leader of the Athosions and alien liaison for Atlantis debated for a moment to follow Ronon. But then decided it would be for the best to stay. In a clear voice she attempted to lighten some of the tension in the room, by playing the moderator, "Elizabeth, I think what Carson is trying to say is, 'what will happen if things don't go according to plan?' I also must express my concern over this. Because Michael, wins more often than not in our sparring matches. And I don't believe he has yet to regain his full strength."

"I'm aware of that," Elizabeth acknowledged. Looking deeply into Carson's eyes Elizabeth reassured, "But before we allowed her contact with him again, after they're first brief and accidental encounter, Dr. Reyes was informed. Of possible risks, still she expressed a wish to help him."

"But did you tell her?" Carson pressed.

When Elizabeth hesitated, John spoke, "Not exactly. Elizabeth told her what we tell everybody who isn't on the need to know list. That he's at the very least suffering from post traumatic shock disorder, he could have a flash back and become violent. That he could kill her and we're still trying to determine what if anything the Wraith may have done to him. Gwen seemed to take the news well. Even asked us a few questions about, if we thought they turned him into a weapon of sorts."

Teyla furrowed her brows, "I do not understand. Why not tell her the truth?"

This time Elizabeth answered, "Because the plan is to not do anything. We will not encourage her to continue contact with him but nor will we dissuade her. Like I said before, it will be up to him or her to make the next step. All I'm proposing, is we try to stay out of their way."

"But surely," Teyla looked around for confirmation from others, "she has the right to know, correct?"

Kate laid out the reasoning, "No. She must remain outside of this project. We feel this is for the best. He needs someone to see and treat him as a human."

Rodney started to grumble quickly, "Oh? So instead of a Wraith, she sees him as human with possible homicidal tendencies? How nice. That will really help-"

"I don' care!" Carson, who had seemed calm earlier surprised everyone by his sudden loss of temper. Exasperated he nearly shouted, "That doesn' make it right!"

"Relax Carson," John tried to reassure. "We'll still be keeping a very close eye on them. She won't be in any real danger."

Carson would have none of it, gathering his things he rapidly got up. Upset his accent thickened, "You're playin' with fire wit' these two. Doin' this to Michael is one thing but wit' Gwen it's quite the other. I'll do as ordered. I'll keep my mouth shut 'bout it to her. However for the record and 'ith all due respect, that doesn' mean I agree with it!"

Watching Carson storm out Elizabeth sighed, "Believe me, you're not the only one." Teyla, Kate and Rodney shortly followed. Only two remained with her, John and Steven.

Steven at last slowly opened his mouth. Deciding to pick his words carefully since he knew the both of them wouldn't like his leaning with the safe majority, "They have a point. If this goes wrong –"

"And if it doesn't?" John cut him off.

Steven eyed them both neutrally before continuing, "All I'm saying is that they have a valid point."

Looking at her hands Elizabeth said crisply, "We have to try. They seem to at least like each other. This is an opportunity and one which is solely up to them to take. What other option do we have? Because I'm not about to let Michael live the remainder of his days under constant guard-it wouldn't be fair."

"I'm sure," Steven agreed but cocked a brow at Elizabeth's unrealistic goal. "But was it fair as you call it, to do this to him in the first place?" he asked Elizabeth directly. When she didn't answer, Steven looked away and sighed, "Just a thought." Without another word he slowly rose and headed back to his ship.

With just the two of them alone left in the room she commented tightly, "At least it's not an absolute 'no' but then again it's not a 'yes' either. Why am I not surprised?" Before John could comment she asked him directly, "Honestly, what do you think? About trying to get Michael to connect with Gwen?"

"I'm not exactly thrilled about it but you do have a point," John reluctantly admitted.

"Will you help keep an eye on them?"

"Sure, but it's not like they won't have enough on them already."

"Still, I would feel better if you handled the matter personally. Don't hover. Try to give them some space or at least let them think they have it. That goes for the guards as well. Have them at least keep you informed if you have other pressing matters to attend to."

"Chaperon them, keep them in line - got it," John nodded. He was quiet for a moment before he added, "Along those lines what do I do if...?"

Both of Elizabeth's brows rose as her neck gave a little jerk, "As in...?" When John didn't elaborate, she mumbled absently, "I honestly thought Rodney was just being sarcastic."

Scratching the back of his head, John gave her a half smile, "No fault there. He usually is."

Pursing her lips, Elizabeth whispered, "You don't really think that...?"

John giving a shrug suggested, "Maybe. I would have told you earlier but thought you were already aware of it till now. But yeah, they might. Then again... they might not, try anything that is."

Picking up her data pad she asked a little skeptical, "They just met, how can you be certain?"

"Got me," John gave the little white lie easily. Ego still slightly bruised from Gwen's seemingly lack of interest in his charm he added, "All I'm saying is trust me on this, it's there."

"Well, we won't let them get too close then. Will we?" She smiled, gave the table a little knock before rising.

_Too bad, that table is not made out of wood,_ John thought

Following Elizabeth out he mumbled, "That's easier said than done."

The physical aspect of that he knew he could handle but the emotional part was completely beyond anyone's control. Silently he hoped the two didn't cross paths at least for a long while. Then he remembered what Gwen had loaned to Michael and winced. Deciding an offer to Gwen to get it back, wasn't exactly violating Elizabeth's wishes, John made his way to Rodney's lab.

.oOo.


	8. Chapter 7: Make lemonade

Chapter 7: Make lemonade

.oOo.

Each day Michael hoped to see her. At first he didn't even realize it until he found himself looking for about the eighth time at the entrances of the mess hall after the first day. That and he had stopped looking down but around him at others on his way to spar with Teyla or talk with Dr. Heightmeyer.

Next he wondered why. For certainly whenever he thought of her, it didn't bring him comfort. A new unease had developed on top of his others and he could only come to the conclusion that while in the brief time he was in her company he had felt relief. Similar to the kind he felt when listening to the music she had given him.

Michael gave a sigh, stopped playing with her hair band and stuffed it back into his pocket. Focusing on his meal he gave what he suspected was meat in an elongated bun a few testing pokes with his fork. Taking a bite of the hotdog, he decided he liked her because she didn't treat him like the others. More importantly she didn't look at him like the others.

On top of the increased feelings that something about him was not right. When more time passed without a word or glimpse of her, he found himself growing irritable. But he kept it in check. The last thing he wanted was to be jabbed with a bigger syringe. After the second day without seeing her in the mess hall or anywhere else, he stubbornly refused to look for her anymore and his eyes returned once again to the floor.

**.oOo.**

Meanwhile, unsure about what to do or say next, Gwen had given him space and tried to distract herself with other matters besides just work. Like cracking open a book. One that had nothing to do with physics, electronics or even science fiction.

She also wrote e-mails to each of her siblings. A hard task, given she could not go into any specifics and asking questions about how everyone was doing could only go so far. She struggled with what to write next until deciding to focus on describing the people she worked with and her social interactions with them.

But she made no mention of Michael even though, her sister would have certainly enjoyed a pleasant, hot and heavy description of him. If anything it would have reassured Josephine that at least her little sister was trying to live a little.

But Gwen could not. Sure Elizabeth had not mentioned a "no fraternization with Michael rule" exactly but Gwen decided to error on the side of caution. She also did not want her feelings to be shared. Since, for security reasons all outgoing correspondences were screened.

Sending off the messages felt right, yet with their departure the first wave of homesickness struck her. To manage the others bound to follow, Gwen had refocused on reading. Not wanting to dwell over how long it would take for her words to get to her family or how long it would take for her to receive a response. Gwen also began exercising more often. And she managed to attend a little movie party, thrown by Miko. The pure social time with her and a few other colleagues helped keep Gwen's mind off of home.

It took her three days before Gwen's curiosity got the best of her and she wanted her iPod back. John had offered to get it for her but she politely refused. Something about the way he pressed the matter although gently, had her digging in her heels.

Until Gwen decided when to get it back, she and Miko had avoided the mess hall till Michael had left. After the first day they had spotted him alone and slowly eating. His back to the entrance they had taken, he was looking at the large, stained glass, flamed shaped window and hadn't seen them.

Now, spotting the two guards nearby, she doubted they would let her talk with him. Still today she had to try and after grabbing her lunch she made a bee line to Michael. The guards gave each other uncertain looks when they realized her intention. Hesitant about what to do, one of them began talking into his earpiece. The other gave her a halting look. Gwen waited and watched the guard as he listened to whoever was on the other end.

Unable to hear what he was saying she studied his mouth and facial expression. And she was able to make out upon the man's lips, "Are you sure Dr. Weir? Yes, I understand." He broke off communication. Then gave Gwen a "you got to be crazy lady" look before he waved her the okay to proceed.

Even if she had the guards' and Elizabeth's approval, Gwen remembered her manners and asked, "Mind if I join you?"

Michael didn't look up but responded, "Depends on your purpose."

She decided on honesty with a dollop of flippancy for his sullen mood. "Boredom, will that do?"

Dryly he smiled and said, "Well then. You've come to the right table." And to prove his point he proceeded to ignore her.

Sitting down, she played along. Ignoring him too and absorbing herself in eating of her lunch. Michael snuck careful glances. Watching her as he mulled over the possible motives of why she would seek him out now and what did she have to gain from it. She pretended not to notice his scrutiny.

Finally he broke the standoff with, "Why are you here?"

She gave him a bemused look in order to finish the forkful of rice she had just taken before answering, "I thought we covered that already."

Crossing his arms, he gave one of the guards a knowing look. "She allowed you to join me, why?"

"No clue." Gwen took a drink of water and added, "And I really don't care."

"I do."

"Look, if you don't want me to be here, I'll-"

"Don't go," Michaels said quickly and he relaxed when she sat back down. "I have no problem with you. It's with them."

"Why? Why not look at the bright side? Maybe this means they're loosening up."

"I doubt it," he mumbled, thought a moment and frowned. Nodding at her iPod sitting next to his tray he guessed, "You want this back."

"Yes but just for a little bit, a day or two...can you stick it out till then?"

"So that is why you are here."

"Partly," she agreed loading up her fork for another bite. Grinning she asked, "Why did you really take my iPod?"

"Boredom, will that do?" he gave a small grin, took a drink of soda and made a face. The feeling of the bubbles as they tickled their way down when he swallowed, he found unpleasant.

Skeptical she snorted, "Ah so you do have a sense of humor but seriously why did you take it?"

He had nothing to gain from lying. Still the question gave him pause since he was not sure where to start. "Like I said, I didn't know what it was." Dropping his voice he finally admitted, "And also I thought it could be useful to... To maybe slip away. But-"

"Just that? I thought so," Gwen interrupted and tried to shrug it off. "But don't worry - no hurt feelings. Like I said before, I don't blame you."

But the way she kept her eyes to her plate and picked at the food on it, indicated she was hurt by something. At least a little and Michael didn't understand by what or why she was trying to hide it.

"You don't blame me?"

"Nope," she replied but continued to avoid eye contact.

Finally realizing what her problem was, Michael sighed in frustration. If she hadn't interrupted him in the first place there wouldn't have been a misunderstanding. In the hopes to smooth things out, Michael leaned forward. Placing his hand over hers finally got her attention as he whispered, "What was done was on impulse. I wanted to help you that came first. It has also been a most useful tool in allowing me to continue to speak with you and I'm glad you're here."

Gwen's brows rose as she blinked not so innocently, "Oh really? It's not just because it probably ran out of power yesterday? No wonder you're in such a bad mood."

Michael pulled away and demanded, "You tease me, why?"

"Hey," She was about to try and joke the question off but his expression was absolutely serious. Gwen didn't want to admit to him why, not yet and certainly not even to herself. Not when she felt his only motive to help her had been just to get something from her. On impulse or not, it didn't matter. Squashing the butterflies she denied, "I don't know. I guess I'm trying to cheer you up."

"It is not working."

Suddenly fed up with his sulky mood and now in one of her own, she started to cut the remainder of chicken breast on her plate. Into bite size pieces, with a little more force than necessary. As she worked she grumbled, "Well how about you stop taking everything and yourself so damm seriously then."

"Or what?"

"Or... You'll give yourself and everyone else heartburn or ulcers for starters." Around a piece of chicken she mumbled, "You know you have a choice about this situation you're in."

"I find that hard to believe when I am given none."

Gwen took her time, to finish chewing, all the while watching him. Swallowing, she at last explained, "I'm not talking about what they will or won't let you do, Michael. I'm talking about the other kind. The kind nobody can take from you no matter what. You always have a choice about how you react to a given situation. That goes for how you react emotionally too."

When he gave her a confused look she explained further. "You are the one choosing to be angry about this and what good is it doing you? Why not approach this in a different way and learn something, you know? The whole, when life gives you lemons, make lemonade."

Michael concentrated and just when she thought he was getting it he asked, "What are lemons?"

Gwen put her fork down and covered her face. Rubbing it and giving a sigh she thought, _Wow! This is going to take some time. What in the hell did the wraith do to him?_

.oOo.


	9. Chapter 8: With Teeth

Chapter 8: With Teeth

.oOo.

The next day when Gwen hadn't shown for lunch, Michael did not take it personally.

_Maybe she's just busy,_ he assumed confidently. Yesterday, after she explained what a lemon was, they moved onto discussing music. He had watched as she began to slowly relax. Her smile grew when they found themselves agreeing on what they liked about certain songs.

But now that it was dinner he wished for some company, besides his two constant shadows. Michael had given up when it came to talking casually with them. At first he tried at least a couple of times to start an idle conversation. But it didn't take him long to figure out they wished to maintain an professional distance from him. They were polite, answered any questions he had efficiently but would only really talk quietly to one another. Whenever a new guard was appointed now, Michael no longer bothered trying.

Resigning himself to another meal alone, he decided to at least stick with what he liked. The new familiar brought him a minor comfort and experimentation could wait till breakfast.

He jumped a bit in surprise at hearing Gwen's voice, "I'll take some steamed snow peas and... I'll try that." He wondered how she had managed to get so close to him before he noticed as she pointed at what looked to be some kind of broiled fish native to the Lantean sea.

"How did you do that?"

"What, sneak up on you?" she chuckled and grabbed a few slices of lemons and tartar sauce before answering. "Simple, I had two older siblings to practice on. I liked to tag along and they didn't always appreciate that-especially my sister Josephine. Her and the oldest, my brother Edgar would try to sneak out to parties and..." Catching herself rambling and about home Gwen finished with. "Well plus, you were too busy fussing with getting some ketchup out of that nearly empty dispenser."

As they headed for a table Michael protested but gently, "I was not having that much trouble with it."

"Ah-ha right, you looked ready to pick it up and throw it across the room after it splattered all over your shirt," Gwen shot back when they sat down across from each other. Ignoring Michael's halfhearted glower, Gwen began eating and muttered, "Not that anyone would blame you. Those things can be rather frustrating." It wasn't until she was half done with her meal when she started up again with, "Do you have any siblings?"

"I don't think so. I'm sure they would have mentioned them, if I did. You have two?"

"Three, the baby of the family is Russell." She corrected and explained the order, "First it's Edgar, then Josephine, then me and then Russ."

To her distant and melancholy stare Michael commented, "You miss them."

"Sometimes," Gwen agreed and tossed the comment back to him. "What about you? Miss anybody?"

Michael looked at her for the longest time. Watched her blush and start to focus on her meal. Slowly he shook his head. "Not now." When she looked up he was pleased by her cheeks growing pinker but added, "That would require me to remember them. I look at the photo of my parents and... I feel nothing."

"So not even them?"

"No," He said quietly and noted the way she paled.

Her lips moved as if she wanted to say something more about it but then she denied herself with a shake of the head. Quickly Gwen turned the subject to a new heading. "Have they tried any therapies to help trigger your memory yet?"

"Dr. Heightmeyer asks me questions," Michael mumbled distractedly. Seeing her upset, he had busied himself with starting on his third hotdog to give her a moment of privacy, so that she could collect herself.

"Just questions?"

He didn't see her worried look nor did he seem to hear her question as he chewed. About to take another bite he stopped. Scrutinizing the exposed end he declared, "I really like these. But what are they made of?"

Yesterday Gwen had already told him what they were called, at the time he had seemed satisfied with just knowing that but for his sake she didn't want to tell him more. "Meat," she stated. Started eating again and hoped he would let the topic go. No such luck.

"What kind?"

"Depends, most are made of a mix of pork and beef-sometimes turkey."

"What kind is this?"

She humored him, bent over, gave it a sniff and guessed, "Probably beef and pork? It's hard to tell, since they grind up the parts."

Michael's brows rose not in concern by sheer curiosity. "Parts? What kind of parts?"

Gwen internally winced at her slip of the tongue. "Honestly, I'm not sure." She took the last bite of her fish and thought, _And honestly I wouldn't want to have anything I've heard, confirmed._

"Why don't you? Haven't you ever had one?"

When he looked about to offer, Gwen put up her hands and declared quickly, "Yes I've had them."

Taking her rejection into account he reasoned, "Then is it because you don't like them?"

"No, I like them."

"But you don't know what kind of parts they use and from what animal?"

Slowly Gwen replied, "Nope."

"But," He paused. A bit confused he slowly voiced, "If you like something wouldn't you want to know more about it?"

On a little sigh Gwen answered, "Sometimes... ignorance is bliss, Michael."

Pursing his lips, he furrowed his brows at the item in question. "Are you sure this isn't made of dog meat?"

"No," she pressed her lips together. But it did not take long before she couldn't stop her shoulders from shaking in restrained laughter.

Even though he gave her a smile in good humor, his eyes narrowed slyly. "Gwen, why am I finding you suddenly very hard to believe?"

Struggling for control, she reassured between chuckles, "It's not made of dog. Trust me."

He didn't look about to. "Well then why call it a hot-"

"I don't know that either," Gwen interrupted him and took a deep breath. Today like a kid, he seemed so full of questions. Even though the rapid fire of them was a bit grating to her sometimes, it was also nice. He was talking. More importantly he was interacting and opening up. Something he did not do too much of with others at least so she heard a few colleagues mention.

Attempting to bring him back to the topic she had started earlier, she asked again, "May I ask what kind of questions?" At his blank look, she elaborated. "You were saying before, Dr. Heightmeyer asks you questions. Like what?"

Michael just shrugged and muttered, "Rather vague ones, I guess. Look, I don't want to think about it now."

"Okay," Gwen backed off and grew silent. Watching him eat, she wondered. _Why Dr. Heightmeyer was dragging her feet with him?_ Then again, taking note of the sudden intensity of how Michael focused on chewing Gwen thought, _Perhaps the good doctor wasn't the one dragging them._

"You are upset."

His statement snapped her from mentally wandering off too far. Glancing at her watch, confirmed they had just sat there for the last couple of minutes saying nothing to one another. She gave his now shredded paper napkin a pointed look. Slowly shaking her head, Gwen met his guarded eyes and disagreed, "Not really but maybe you are." When he wrapped his arms around himself and said nothing she asked, "Wanna share why?"

"You know."

Gwen leaned back and shook her head, "Nothing specific Michael." Putting up her feet on the chair next to his, she crossed them and continued. "I want to understand but I'm not a mind reader."

He did not say anything for the longest time. Just sat there stewing till Gwen finally pressed, "Just say what you're thinking. Right now, whatever you want. Don't censor yourself. Swear if you have to. These ears here are certainly not-"

"I don't want to! I don't like this." He paused and then muttered, "Dammit." Reluctant as if he was not use to using the word but then the reluctance had stopped there. Once started, the words poured out of him, increasingly louder. "I want answers and all they do, is ask me for them. Always questions, always the same ones! How do I feel? What am I thinking about? Why don't they just tell me?"

It didn't scare her. His anger was justified but hiding something but then anger always did. Sitting back up Gwen asked, "What do you think they're not saying?"

His expression became pained. The shield he had raised crumbled as his voice grew soft, "I don't know... Something bad." Not elaborating further he just closed his eyes and rubbed them.

If the two guards, several feet away, hadn't taken notice before, they had taken it now. When they started to edge closer, Gwen waved them off. They stopped but still concerned one made the call for orders. She tried to ignore them, got up and took the chair next to Michael.

Not sure what to do or say next. Eventually, she decided on action first. She carefully rested a hand on his shoulder and gave it a small and comforting squeeze. A swallow did little to ease the lump in her throat. Deciding it was wiser to let him do the talking, she prodded gently, "Please tell me."

Stareing down at nothing he admitted very quietly. "I get the feeling... It's me. To them, I'm something bad. Maybe they're right. I get these feelings." He wrapped his arms tighter around himself. His face became pained as the next words came out broken. "I want to... A part of me wants to... But another doesn't know if it's... I don't know!"

Gwen without thinking leaned over and hugged him. Although stiff in her arms, Michael did not fight it. Absently she wondered if he was even registering what she was doing. Over his shoulder Gwen spotted the guards. They had not moved. One was still watched with his brows raised in disbelief while the other talked into his head set. She glared at them and thought, _Back the hell off!_

To that at least the one which just stood there dropped his eyes. The other continued to report quietly but was only glancing at them.

As Gwen held Michael, she worried about what was going to happen next. Eyeing the entrances she expected to see Dr. Beckett or Dr. Heightmeyer running in at any moment. Instead John came but he slipped in so not to draw Michael's attention.

Approaching the guards he began to talk quietly with them. Filled in John looked across the room and their eyes met. With mouth tight, hesitantly John took a step closer but stopped. She watched the debate play out in his expressions over what to do. Thinking back to her lunch from yesterday with Michael, she wondered if John, eating a few tables from them was more than just a coincidence? Now seeing the resigned concern in the man's eyes Gwen decided it was not.

A trembling started and Gwen's attention immediately turned from John back to Michael. Rubbing his back in soothing slow circles she bought herself some more time. Anxious to say something but concerned it would come off all wrong or unhelpful. Choosing her words carefully she kept it simple. "You're good, Michael. Nobody is really bad, it's what you do that counts. And-"

His voice came thick and tight, "Then why do I get that feeling from them?"

Giving the question some thought first, she took her time to answer it. "It's only worry. You've been through a lot. They care about you. We all do. They just want to help you and you can't hold it against them, for also wanting to protect themselves and others in the process."

"What about you?"

"Well somebody's got to make the first step in -"

"No, I mean..."

Squeezing him tighter she whispered, "I care."

Michael didn't say anything for a long time. When he stopped shaking he asked, "What are you doing?"

Carefully Gwen loosened her arms. So if he wanted to, he could pull away. When he did not, she tightened them again before finally replying, "I'm showing you."

"That you care."

She nodded even though he hadn't asked her a question. Feeling her conformation he warily loosened his arms from around himself and to the guards and John's surprise he put them woodenly around her. As if holding someone like this was new to him or he was too caught up in inner turmoil to properly respond just yet. But then his arms started to relax. Finally, squeezing her back he expelled the deep breath he was holding.

When he seemed completely calmed, Gwen pulled away and asked, "Still hungry?" Grimacing at the untouched chips on his plate, Michael shook his head. When she rose, she extended her hand and said, "Come on."

Staring at her hand he asked, "Where are we going?"

"For a walk," Gwen answered, glanced behind them and wasn't surprised to see the guards following at several paces. Michael spotted them too and frowned. Not seeing John, Gwen guessed he found the minor crisis over with and moved onto more important matters. Gwen put to analyzing why John had come instead of Dr. Beckett or Dr. Heightmeyer for later.

As they walked Michael became distracted with thoughts. Impulsively, she took the advantage to give him a playful push on the shoulder for attention. It barely budged him. His balance was good but his reaction was bad.

Automatically Michael grabbed her wrist. Not hard, but firmly enough to bring them to a stop. Although a bit stunned, Gwen tried to keep a bemused smile on her face.

It took moment to register her playful expression and another to realize that she was just teasing. He dropped her arm quickly. Then with a grin, he attempted to give her a gentle experimental push back. The movement in the corner of his eye had it fading.

Not noticing, Gwen side stepped him and chuckled, "Too slow." It died away when she followed Michael's line of sight.

The guards were not amused. Each had rested a hand on their stun weapons. Michael and Gwen glanced back and forth from each other to them, uncertain what to do till Gwen gave a shrug to the what seemed a overreaction.

"Hey," she called and looped arms with Michael to start them walking again. "Just ignore them." She decided, looked over her shoulder between them and stuck out her tongue quickly at the two. Michael watched how they did not react. Turning to him, she smirked. "See, no sense of humor. It's like they're not really there."

**.oOo.**

Michael appreciated the effort to lighten the mood. But he still could only manage to give her a nervous smile. But when Gwen kept his arm hooked with hers, Michael started to not think about the other two so much. Instead as they walked he tried to focus on her.

Noting the sun was about to set Gwen suggested, "How about I show you the best view this place has?"

It took them a little while to get there. Yet she never let go of his arm. As they passed others she seemed to know, she gave them a wave or a hello. One stopped and politely introduced herself.

"Miko is very kind," Gwen explained after her friend continued on her way. Michael did not know what to say, so he kept quiet as they entered a transporter. Hitting a location on the display Gwen whispered in his ear, "I just hope Dr. McKay will appreciate her more in the future."

Before the doors slid shut Michael asked, "He doesn't now?"

Yet after they arrived and the doors reopened, Gwen did not answer his question. Instead she put a finger to her lips. Only when they had put some distance between themselves and the guards did Gwen finally admit, "Yes but not in the way she would prefer." Giving his arm a little pull to bend close Gwen whispered in Michael's ear. "Plus I heard he's seeing someone but I don't know how serious it is. Miko doesn't bring it up and since she doesn't I'm not going to with her."

Michael's brows furrowed at the word, "Seeing?"

"You know, dating... Courtship... Calling-"

"Oh..." Michael turned to Gwen's ear and inquired softly, "Miko wishes Dr. McKay to court her. She wishes to be his mate?"

He felt her body tense to that word and she turned her head and they found their faces inches apart. "You," she swallowed. "You could put it that way, I guess. As for it being a long term bases? I don't think she's planned that far ahead. However on second thought..." Gwen trailed off as Miko's long term goal in reducing Rodney's sugar consumption came to mind.

They walked together in silence before Michael decided to ask her more about courtship. That and take the opportunity to bend his head down closer to hers again to once more whisper in her ear. However they finally reached the highest and farthest balcony from the main tower in Atlantis. And much to Michael's dismay, she broke away from him in a rush to get outside. But looking back, he drew comfort that at least the guards were giving them some space. They stayed on the inside of the opened stained glass paneled thresholds.

Leaning on the railing she jerked her chin to the colorful view. "Well, what do you think?"

He obliged her but really didn't see the point of looking at the sky. At his bored look she explained, "Our first form of visual entertainment."

"Oh," he commented but really did not understand where she was going with the subject.

She did not seem to notice and went on to say, "Yep it was that and perhaps watching things burn. Simple thing to do but it's nice, to just do nothing. To take some time to just watch a sunset. It clears the mind or helps you think, unlike movies and television. What kind of things do you like to watch?"

When he turned to her, just stared and said nothing, she prodded, "Action, horror, comedy, drama...?" Trailing off she noticed he was still watching her. He wasn't smiling but she could see the playful answer in his eyes as they traveled down her slowly.

Feeling another blush coming on she blurted out, "Oh... Never mind." Nervously she tucked away a black lock behind an ear that had been tickling the corner of her lip. Waving her own question away she turned to look back out at the watery horizon.

Mimicking her, Michael leaned on the railing closely next to her. They stood shoulder to shoulder. From the corner of his eye he watched the gentle breeze mess up her hair. He tried not to laugh, when it brushed strands of it over her nose causing her to make peculiar faces and fuss with it more.

Although reluctant to give it up Michael reached into his pocket, "Here."

Gwen holding her hair turned to see what he held out. "That looks like-"

"It is," Michael said simply, still holding out the black elastic hair band with a bit of red on it for her.

When she took it from him, her eyes narrowed but not angrily, "You knew what this was?"

"Not a first. Not until I saw you wearing one yesterday."

"You kept it? Why didn't you return this with my iPod?"

He kept his face blank answering, "You didn't seem to miss it."

In understanding, Gwen gave a small chuckle at his odd humor and tried to look busy with applying the band to her hair. He found, for some reason, her flustered state amusing. Grinning, Michael turned away too and looked at the sky.

It was then when it finally struck him. Finding it odd how the molten orange fading somehow into a whispery pink. The edges of clouds by the sun were a burning gold. So bright that when he closed his eyes he could still see them. Dabs of bright red and powdery blue seemed to be smeared between the vaster strokes. As an inky indigo slowly bled them all away. About to dye the sky in blackness as hard and cold pinpoints started to poke and wink through.

After so long of a silence, quietly she broke it with, "Isn't it amazing that we are here?"

Although he didn't like the situation he found himself in, he agreed because he was at the moment with her. "Yes, it is."

"Growing up I thought, we'll be lucky in our lifetime to see a Moon base-maybe one on Mars too. But not this... This being here so far away from home. It's a little scary but so amazing-and aliens I never thought I'd get a straight answer about that in my life time. Although I don't think my brothers would care to know what kind we have encountered so far. If they did, they wouldn't let me leave the house."

A little confused by her comment he asked. "On Earth, not everyone knows we are here? They all don't know about the Wraith?"

Gwen laughed, "Back home those who believe in aliens are considered a bit crazy. Sometimes I think, it's so stupid they keep something like that a secret from the majority of the population, you know? If they only knew about the dangers out there-the truth, maybe there would be less war and less suffering."

"But like you said, perhaps ignorance is bliss," he said and they shared a smile. Looking back at the city he wondered aloud, "Does your family know you are here? Does mine?"

"No, they think I'm stationed in Antarctica. I don't know what you were told to tell your family."

Michael gave what she mentioned earlier thought and asked, "What do you think about the Wraith?"

"They need to eat. I just wish they'd find something else besides us. More importantly what would they do if we were not here?"

"Starve... I'm guessing," Michael delivered deadpan but earned another chuckle from her.

He felt her shiver because at some point she had once again settled down next to him again. The air started to chill and now without realizing she had moved closer, seeking warmth. Through his arm, he felt hers radiate and warm him back. The wind had also picked up. Taking a deep breath a pleasant spiciness and something else filled his nostrils.

"You smell like a cookie I have tried," He commented quietly and turned to her. He watched in the moonlight her face flush and turn to his.

Inches apart, she gave him a little smile and whispered, "Must have been a ginger snap then. The fragrance was a welcoming gift from the Athosians. It smells a lot like ginger and reminds me of home. Do you like it?"

At her shy smile and blush his mind went curiously blank. Relaxed before, a growing urgency within, now confused him. Clenching the railing hard, Michael pushed away the urge to start running as unexpected sensations of being trapped and betrayed washed over him.

Feeling his body grow tense Gwen inquired softly, "Are you okay?"

Broken and vague moments flashed in his mind. He was running through trees and brush in pursuit, wanting to intercept someone who was trying to get away as well. Michael shook his head, rubbed his suddenly sore cheek bones and swallowed. He heard the activation of the StarGate, a gate address, calling for someone to hurry and found it odd that the only other person there was Teyla slowly walking towards him. Then feeling a blast from a wraith stunner hit him from behind.

"Michael?" she asked with worry in her voice and placed a soothing hand over his, another on his shoulder blade.

Breathing through his mouth Michael managed to push the unpleasant mental images away. Her touch was calming but it was awhile of staring at the stars before he trusted himself to say evenly, "Yes I'm fine. But there's so much about this place I do not understand. So much of my life here and on Earth, I do not remember. It bothers me."

"Well," Gwen propped her chin on a hand. With her elbow still on the rail, she leaned and put a little distance between them. "Everything is new again. Discovery has a certain fun about it. What's something you tried that you really liked? And please... Don't say hot dogs."

Part of him wanted to see her squirm again. He wanted to draw in at least as close as they had been before. But instead of saying ginger snaps or hot dogs he moved a few steps away and decided on, "Lemonade. I tried it when you told me that it's something you can drink."

Gwen beamed and remembering what she had told him, she couldn't help to ask, "What else did you try?"

"A lemon – the fruit used to make the drink. I didn't like it and I understand the expression now. Still I'd rather have the fun as you put it, into discovering a memory or two."

"So they still haven't given you any exercises to try."

"Teyla has tried. When she brought me to my quarters, she showed and explained to me what some of my possessions were."

"Oh Teyla?" Gwen commented and hoped the tone of it came off neutral. Hearing of Michael and Teyla's sparing sessions together, Gwen hated the small twinge of envy it gave. Partially it was from her own desire to be a better fighter. And the other was from the rumor of a scuffle that had erupted between Ronan and Michael during the course of one of them. Gwen spent more time then she cared to admit wondering if Teyla was the cause of tension between the two men.

Shaking off the theory, Gwen suggested. "Would you like to try another method, to help you remember something?"

"Like what?"

"It's rather easy actually. No harder than using your senses of sight and touch." She turned away from the railing. Still leaning on it she added, "In fact you were doing it earlier. You just smell things." When he gave a blank look she could not help the small laugh. "I'm sorry but I'm serious and you can do it all by yourself whenever you want. You see, certain scents can trigger memories. At least that was what I remember reading somewhere. During college I think." Looking at her watch, she flinched at the time.

"You need to go?"

"Yeah bedtime," She confirmed but took a hold of his arm again. "Walk me to my quarters?"

Catching on to her reasoning, of wanting to spend more time together, he smiled and said, "Very well if you insist." Although it was late she maintained the same slow pace they had taken before. Michael kept alert to his surroundings. Wanting to remember where her quarters were located and hoping it wouldn't be long when he could without escorts go to her. He took careful note of the distances, what location she pressed in the transport and subtle landmarks in the Ancient architecture till they reached her door.

Opening it Gwen asked, wanting to delay their goodbyes. "Would you care to come in for a little bit?"

Michael took a step inside and found the space like his. It was tidy except for the unmade bed. There was order but with more clutter. Cut out images of her family and friends hung in a large mural on the wall. A book was at her bedside table. More were stacked, along with what looked like her work upon her desktop.

When he looked closer at the images of her family, she pointed each one out and told him their names and how they were related to her.

Finishing, Gwen turned to him and pulled the band from her hair. Watching her blue-black hair fall over her shoulders, he took another step towards her but felt a tap at his. Frowning, Michael glanced to the guard.

The man reminded simply, "Dr. Beckett, Sir."

"Give us a minute will you?" Gwen asked, plucked her iPod from her desk. "All charged up, enjoy."

"Thanks," Michael grinned and put it into his pocket. When she took her hands in his, Michael gave a confused frown. In one of them he felt the hair band and without a word she urged him to take it back. Confused he stared at her and trembled as her finger tips brushed his inner palms in the transfer. All he could manage was, "But why?"

Gwen only smiled and giving his hands a squeeze she swung them a little. "Keep it," she whispered and added, "I might need it again someday." Then giving the guards each a resigned look, she reluctantly let Michael go.

.oOo.


	10. Chapter 9: Kinda I Want To

**Chapter 9: Kinda I Want To**

.oOo.

Jacket, boots, socks, bra and shirt off, her door gave a chime. It hadn't been very long since Michael had left. Thinking it was him; Gwen gave a slow smile and decided she would not bother with getting back into uniform. In just a tank and pants she padded, bare foot over to the door and looked forward to see how Michael would react.

"What? You changed the guards' minds to..." she trailed off. It wasn't Michael. It was Ronan. Her smile faded.

Ronan looked up from the floor and took note of her lack of attire before stating, "Take it you were expecting somebody else?"

Although feeling suddenly modest, Gwen refused to cross her arms. Instead she lifted them in a shrug and admitted, "So I was."

Narrowing his eyes, Ronan kept his tone light and requested, "May I come in?"

Gwen took a moment to decide. The large man seemed to fill her doorway but his handsome striking face was calm with a trace of uncertainty. His posture also appeared relaxed and open as he looked about her room, thumbs hooked into his pockets. All of this seemed to confirm to her that he was not trying to be intimidating but probably he was here in some regards to Michael.

Curious for possible answers, to what lay between the two men Gwen agreed, "Yeah." And beckoned him in with a wave. "What can I do for you?"

He stepped in, but only so far as to let the door close. Not wasting any time Ronan started quietly, "Actually it's what you can do for yourself."

"What are you suggesting?"

"I wouldn't get any closer to... Michael."

Gwen didn't miss the pause or his revulsion at saying his name and commented, "I see."

"No, you don't." When he took a step closer, Gwen didn't budge. Realizing the sharp look, Ronan gave her a little smile, took a polite step back then elaborated. "I've seen what he's done. What he's capable of and they haven't told you everything. He's more dangerous than you think. I'm only saying this because I don't want to see you get killed."

Appreciating his concern, delicately she started, "Ronan they already warned me of that. I under-"

"Not everything," he interrupted patiently. "Remember, they haven't told you _everything._"

"Then why don't you? Enlighten me, please?"

Frustrated Ronan worked his jaw for moment before explaining, "I can't. I'm probably pushing it as it is. Like I said, do yourself a favor and keep your distance with him. Don't get too... attached."

_It's too late,_ Gwen realized suddenly as Ronan's last comment set off an internal alarm. _And what do you mean exactly by that?_ Was the question she didn't dare voice. Watching him turn to the door Gwen offered no promises.

To his back she managed softly, "Ronan... Why do you hate him?"

He refused to look at her, opened the door and finally answered, "I think you'll figure that one out, eventually on your own."

"Does it have something to do with Teyla?"

Ronan stiffened and for a moment he didn't say anything. Cryptically he answered, "No this is all about who he is."

Blinking Gwen mulled over that answer and was about to ask another question when she heard the door close and found herself alone.

Thinking over the last thing Ronan said to her, she forgot about the usual ritual she took before going to bed. Instead she headed straight to it, taking off her pants along the way. Now in just her tank and underwear she crawled in and double checked the alarm clock. After setting and arming it Gwen clicked off the bedside lamp. Eyes closed but mind racing, sleep was pushed away. Ronan's words made her lose at least an hour and the subject of them another.

_No this is all about who he is. Who he is... Who he is... Who he is..._

Anxious as well as frustrated, Gwen turned onto her stomach hugging a pillow. A part of her wanted to be more than just friends with Michael. Already, the dreams she had of him were pretty intense. Now she tried to imagine his body pressed under hers and drift off with a smile.

Unfortunately, a pesky Satedan kept popping up, trying to attack Michael too. And pretending they were both fighting over her was amusing for only so long. Flipping onto her back again she tried to forget the both of them and focused upon something from home. It was a mental trick she used to clear her mind.

She focused on visualizing a familiar beat-up old mail box. Carefully, she filled in the black letters and numbers along its side. Every crack in its white paint and line in the faded gray wood post, she tried to recall. Relaxed and slipping deeper, she checked to see if it had anything in it. Finding some envelopes she took them and started down the rust colored gravel path. Reaching the sun bleached but sturdy wooden gate, she opened then closed it behind her. Walking under the arch bearing the name Ranchero de Reyes she was returning home.

**.oOo.**

It was late and dark and he knew he should be sleeping. But Michael could not get Gwen out of his head and the current song he was listening to wasn't helping. In her room the way her damp finger tips had caressed the very center of his hands had sent little unexpected warm shivers down his spine.

What disturbed him even more was when he concentrated on remembering the sensations he could almost feel them again. Whenever she touched him it felt good and he felt connected, unfortunately it lead to a rather uncomfortable side effect.

Sucking in a breath, he felt a now all too familiar aching heat grow in his groin. A look down at it what was starting to become swollen again had him debating over contacting Dr. Beckett. The first time it happened upon waking he almost did. But given its location and Michael's lack of desire of being poked and prodded at more, he just close his eyes and tried to clear his mind. Like before it had worked, there seemed to be no lasting ill effects and he guessed it was something his body naturally did. With some experimentation and observation he realized it tended to happen as he slept, upon first waking up and when he thought too much about Gwen's touch or body. He found at times the reaction embarrassing and it seemed to have a mind of it's own. When the first time it happened around her, he was beyond grateful they were sitting down.

Safe under the covers to let his body react however it wanted, he mulled over what it would it mean and feel like if he pressed his lips to Gwen's. The man and woman in the mess hall seemed to find it enjoyable. But Michael had yet to see the behavior repeated with others. He wondered over how common the practice was, what it all meant and what if any protocols were needed to be followed to initiate the act. But what he worried about most of all was would she accept such a gesture from him. On the balcony he almost tried it but then that disturbing flash of memory had hit him.

He was confident for the most part she would be receptive to it. For he had taken careful note of the close proximity she kept herself to him in comparison with the man and woman as well as others' she interacted with. The exception however was John. Michael felt the man's proximity to Gwen worrisome. That morning he was on his way to spar with Teyla when he spotted John and Gwen heading towards him in the other direction. She was laughing at something John had said and Michael drew up to an abrupt stop. Surprised over the sudden urge he had to attack John.

_She has chosen me,_ Michael had thought, glaring at John as he walked up to them.

Before he reached them John spotted him first, nudged Gwen and pointed. Michael softened his stare and watched carefully as Gwen turned from John to him. Her smile went from warm to brilliant and Michael found his aggressions towards John immediately evaporate. The look in her eyes had changed too. She had seemed very happy to see him, which further reassured Michael.

Eye lids growing heavier, Michael gave a yawn. Pulling out the ear buds, he then turned off the iPod, rolled to his side and fell into frustrated dreams.

.oOo.


	11. Chapter 10: Closer

**Chapter 10: Closer**

.oOo.

Not sure what Michael would like, Gwen debated over what movie to bring him. Skipping lunch with him, she had kept working. All in order so she could free up her evening and would have the time to pick one out, run it to him and maybe talk with him for a little while before heading off to bed early for a change.

Even though yesterday's dinner then walk had went well, she wasn't about to offer watching the movie with him. She liked him – a lot. That much she could no longer deny but Gwen wasn't sure if she wanted it to go anywhere.

_I really don't have the time._ She stressed to herself, _And Michael? He doesn't even know who he is exactly._

And then there were the warnings from the senior staff about post traumatic shock, among other things. She didn't think it was wise to think beyond friendship when his mental stability was in question. Lastly there was what Ronan had all said and didn't.

"Action or a comedy?" She mumbled allowed staring hard at the two DVD's. There really wasn't that many to choose from. But then again this was not exactly a typical rental store. It was a bookcase filled with disks of movies and another of music that everyone decided to compile and share with others. With books filling four other cases, it was more of an informal library than anything.

Giving a shrug she asked herself, "Why not both?" To borrow them she filled out the required electronic form upon the provided data pad with a smile. Deciding Michael could use all of the choices he could get. Even if which movie to try first was just one and a simple one at that.

Taking Ronan's warning seriously Gwen decided aloud, "This is just a casual friendly visit, nothing more." And to help cement it she tried not to look at her reflection. Not wanting to primp in the least while on her way to Michael's room.

But as the day had passed her pony tail had loosened from hanging high upon the back of her head to the bass of her skull. The rest of its length now spilled over her shoulder. Frowning at what she saw, Gwen tightened her hair back to its morning all business location. And as she continued to walk, she tucked any strands softening her prominent cheek bones behind her ears. Hoping it would make her appearance more severe than sensual as she arrived and spotted the guards. Before she could even ask, they stepped aside and nodded her through.

Swallowing, she gave the glass door a knock. At no reaction she gave the door another knock and this time he looked up. She waved him over and Michael looking slightly puzzled rose, walked to the door finally opened it.

"Ah... Hi," was all Gwen could say.

His smile was big at seeing her. And Gwen felt herself relaxing. But he blinked in a confused expression and asked, "Why did you do that?"

The question threw her off. But then she remembered days ago he hadn't known what a lemon among many other things was. Recovering she didn't want to go into question and answer mode at least not yet. Casually instead she asked, "Isn't it the polite thing to do?"

Working the custom out for himself, Michael concluded. "Then, I guess you're the only one who is around here. Everyone else just comes in," he stated simply, backed up and led the way.

Although it wasn't stated she took his action as an invitation and stepped inside. Before he could ask, she donated the reason for her visit. "Here," Gwen handed the movies over. "I brought you these to pass the time." As he studied them she looked about his room. Spotting the laptop she pointed and added, "You can play them on this."

"I'm not in the mood right now to learn more things. But thank you."

"Learn? No that's not what they are for. Well-not usually." She took them from him and headed for his computer. "Remember, I mentioned movies last night? You just watch them. Here, let me set one up for you. Oh, which one would you like to watch first?"

He gave both of them a careful look then pointed to one with a shrug. As she turned the computer on he wondered, "But why?"

"The same reason we listen to music or watch a sunset. It's for fun and entertainment." She explained and opened the case, pulled the disk carefully out then loaded it into the computer. As the menu popped up she added pointing to his desk's chair. "Better get comfortable. Most movies last well over an hour."

Sitting down he asked, "So this is usually an individual activity?"

"It can or a group one but let me tell you about theaters later, okay?"

**.oOo.**

Michael gave a small thoughtful nod. When she was about to start the movie up he noticed she was still standing. "So won't you be joining me?"

Gwen looked down at him a little startled. He didn't miss her internal debate. By the way she glanced to the door then her watch, all the while biting her lower lip. But Michael was relieved, by the shy smile she gave and the offer, "I guess... I could stay for just one, if you would like?"

Even though she had offered, Michael could still sense her reluctance. About what, he didn't know. But more than just being lonely, he wanted her to stay. "Maybe it would be for the best," he suggested, "Just in case I have any questions."

He noticed some of the muscles in her body relax as she nodded, "Yeah you're right." Picking up his lap top she looked around and mumbled. "Now where can we both sit?"

Michael pointed automatically to what was closest and suggested, "The bed?"

"Ah," Gwen stepped away from it. "No, we'll both need to be close to the screen."

"Well that's what I meant," Michael got up and added. "We could both sit on it."

Taking another step away from it, Gwen spotted the white sofa. "How about there?" She nodded and headed towards it. "It'll be more comfortable."

Michael without argument sat down next to her on the sofa. Gwen balanced the laptop on her legs. Noticing how close they were she glanced to the desk chair Michael had just been sitting in.

Not missing the look Gwen gave it, Michael realized what she was probably thinking. He also didn't care for it. She wanted to put the computer on the seat so they could sit farther apart and for some reason he liked being in close proximity to her. In the hopes of distracting her from adjusting it he asked, "So what exactly is a movie again?"

"It's kind of like songs. They tell a story. Only instead of with just words and music it incorporates a visual quality as well." She was about to move but he stopped her by gently resting his hand upon her arm.

"May we begin now?"

Giving the chair one last look she gave up with, "Sure help me hold it."

Casually, Michael put his left arm along the back of the sofa behind her. Comfortable, he moved and held the computer with his right hand, adjusting it, so half was resting on each of their laps. As the previews for other movies started up, Gwen explained what they were. Michael nodded absently eyes riveted to the explosions upon the screen.

**.oOo.**

Gwen was rather happy he had decided on seeing the action movie first. Thinking if he didn't grasp some of the concepts of the plot he could at least enjoy the visual aspects of it. Great pyrotechnics were always a bonus. It seemed the enjoyment from staring into a fire hadn't diminished as the centuries had passed.

After the previews were over with she stopped it and turned to him to ask, "Any questions yet?"

"No," he grinned at the frozen screen and clicked play back on.

As the movie started with a lion's roar Gwen added quickly, "Well if you do have one, we can pause it."

Michael didn't answer her except for making a small noise of agreement. Never seeing this particular one either, Gwen too was soon lost in it as well. They were half way through the movie when it slowed down for a romantic moment. Gwen jumped when Michael whispered, "What are they doing?"

"Ah," she drew the word out. Her mind going blank, she glanced away from the screen to the keys and felt her face grow hot. The last thing she expected tonight was to give an explanation on the birds and the bees to Michael.

Then again she also expected this movie would be all shooting up the bad guys, blood, guts, excessive cursing and a chase scene or two. Good stuff. Zero romance so nothing like this would come up. At least she consoled herself that she had found a mush free comedy but a fat lot of good that was doing her now.

When she didn't say anything and Michael didn't press, she risked a look. His head was cocked to the side. Watching the scene play out he finally realized aloud, "Oh it leads to mating." Then turning to her, he observed. "You are uncomfortable by this, why?"

Gwen wanted to get up. Get away from him but was rooted to the sofa by half of the computer in her lap. Blinking rapidly she lied, "No I'm not." Seeing through it and partially understanding her odd behavior, he gave a slow smile. While she cleared her throat, she tried to further deny by insisting, "No... I was wondering why you asked about... Mating? What an odd way to put it."

Michael shook his head and paused the movie. "No not that." Pointing to the screen he asked, "I want to know about this. Why do they do that? What's it called?"

Embarrassed she glanced from him to the screen and back again. "Um... That position is called mis-"

"No... Not that look," He ordered and drew a circle with is finger around the actress and actor's faces.

"What, kissing?"

"Yes! Why do they do that?"

Gwen could only think, _Good god what did the wraith do to him?_ Before she stammered, "Well... Ah, like mating it feels good for starters."

Staring at her hard Michael wondered aloud. "Then why are you uncomfortable with the idea of it with me when at the same time you are interested by it?"

The blood drained from her face as her eyes became wide. "I..." This time it didn't come out breathy but strained. Dazed she quickly tried to wrap things up. Closing the computer she started, "Michael it's getting late and I need to get up early tomorrow." Putting it down on the floor she finished, "How about we talk about this at lunch? That is if I can get away from work." Giving his left hand a nervous but hopefully reassuring pat she was about to rise.

He didn't say anything, only clasped her right hand. Softly, he squeezed it in a silent plea. And too late she realized touching him had been the crowning cherry to a number of other bad ideas, all which started when she decided to get him some good old entertainment.

The warmth of his hand shot up her arm and into her chest as her heart somehow managed to hammer harder. But as soon as he had captured her, his grip loosened. Just enough, so that she could free herself and flee if she wanted to.

When she didn't, Michael with a glance at the cameras, moved. Assuming a casual position, he managed to obscure the view of at least one of them. Although he still held her hand they were now a little farther apart. And to those who watched they appeared to be only talking. Somehow she managed to sit even straighter at what he did next.

"Don't move," he grinned while turning her hand palm up. Remembering where the other camera was located, Gwen realized her back was already blocking it. At least in a way that nobody but them could see what their hands were doing.

"Michael..." she warned but it fell on deaf ears. Even less effective, since it was halfhearted. Her worries started to dissolve, when he only studied her right hand. That was until he started to talk about it.

"Rather good sized." Finding a few stubborn calluses he added, "durable too."

"Oh, how you shower me with complements." Gwen made no effort to hide the sarcasm in her voice, "If only I knew you had a thing for hands, I would have done my nails."

When Gwen tried to pull away, he was quicker. Holding her firmly and refusing to let go. Squinting at her, Michael stated, "You're teasing me again."

"So I am and so are you."

"I was not." As he worked her reluctant fingers apart once again Michael explained, "You use them. I like that they are strong."

"Between taking care of goats, to tearing apart broken electronics to fix them while growing up, yeah they'll become that." Gwen muttered, "Big and strong."

Realizing she wished they were not. He paid her a real complement but with a smirk. "Look they're not as big and strong as mine. See?" He pressed their palms together to demonstrate.

When she only glared, Michael gave a short laugh. Then enjoyed how her eyes grew wide before he looked down. With finger tips, he had started to trace the faint blue of veins on the underside of her wrist. "It's soft here," he whispered. Then cautiously he began to follow the life line to the center of her palm. Stopping there, giving it feathery strokes with his thumb. When he looked back up, to stare deeply into her eyes, he didn't stop. "And here..."

A shiver ran though her at his velvety tone and what he was doing. Gwen licked her lips and felt her skin all over tighten in goose flesh. Not sure what to do, she looked away.

Moving carefully, mindful again of the cameras he cupped her chin. With his left hand he gently moved her face back to his. Letting it go he brushed her cheek with the back of his fingers, before moving to hold the side of her jaw. He felt the muscles there work and tighten nervously. Stroking her moist lips with the pad of his thumb he asked, "Does this feel good?"

She said nothing only nodded shyly.

Leaning forward he gently demanded, "I want you to show me."

Even with curiosity evident in his eyes, Gwen asked voice almost cracking, "Show you what?"

His lips parted just the slightest bit. His eyes dropped pointedly to her lips. Drawing closer, carefully as the fingers of his right hand weaved with hers. He could feel her pulse as well as his own quicken. The alien sensations for Michael, although enjoyable, were almost too intense. He needed a moment and to pass it, the tip of his nose brush against hers. With short quick breaths, he took in the pleasant citrus tang smell of her breath deeply.

"Mmm... Lemons," Michael commented tenderly.

**.oOo.**

In the surveillance room nearby, Sergeant Andrew Cole turned away from watching his commanding officer, Lieutenant Coronal John Sheppard and blinked. But that was after the double take he made at the screens which had been his turn to keep an eye on.

All of them had taken turns, ten minutes each, to glance over the different angles displayed on the screens. Honestly, he had become rather distracted by the jokes, his co-worker and John had gotten into to pass the time.

Gaping at the screens now, Andrew tried to figure out how he missed the warning signs. When had the two started holding hands and moving closer to one another? Not even a minute ago it appeared that Michael and Gwen had just decided to stop watching the movie. He noted Gwen had set the laptop aside and they looked to be just talking. Yet now they looked about to do something else involving moving their lips.

Unable to find the words all Andrew could get out was an, "Ah... Sir?" But it was enough, John seeing his reaction looked at the screens and cursed.

At first John had balked when the two had sat down upon the sofa together. And when Michael had put his arm behind Gwen, John had gotten to his feet. Yet he hesitated, not wanting to break things up unless he was certain it was needed. And when the two only seemed to be interested in watching the movie, John decided to not intervene.

_He will certainly have to now!_ Andrew mentally winced and scrambled after John as he charged out of the room.

**.oOo.**

"Lemonade," Gwen gently corrected and felt a soft breezes from his breaths tease her lips. Head spinning she could not yet bridge the final gap. With her left hand she tenderly stroked the side of Michael's right temple. He took in a sharp intake of air. But he did not move. Wanting her instead to take the next and final step. She did not show him but she also did not pull away.

"I want..." Michael had started but the rest was unnecessary. The feel of her lips upon his said everything they could not. Millimeter by millimeter she had closed in till the barest brush and press was given. And he wondered how something so gentle could hurt so much.

Gwen felt rather then heard the noise Michael made. Blood pounded louder against her eardrums. As lips parted, he started to cautiously rub hers back and just when she thought their kiss would deepen he reared away from her.

Stunned and a little hurt Gwen blurted, "What's wrong?"

The door swung open, with more force than necessary. John entered and to put it mildly, with a not so happy look on his face. "Gwen," he addressed but didn't look at her. Instead his eyes bore into Michael and the apology fell flat, "Sorry to barge in. But Michael has an early start on training with Teyla tomorrow."

Neither Michael nor Gwen bought the urgent reason to interrupt for an instant. But it was Michael who voiced a sour opinion of it. "Oh, I doubt you are sorry. This is bull-"

Not liking the tension growing between the two men, Gwen gave Michael's hand an urgent squeeze. Cutting him off before he could finish. Trying to calm him she reminded softly, "Choices."

Absorbing the one word Michael bit back the new one he had just learned among a few others via the movie. Feeling her thumb soothing the back of his hand, he took a deep breath and he settled to just glower at John.

Although her face felt like it was on fire, Gwen turned to John and managed to state calmly and respectfully, "I was not _aware_of this, thank you for letting me know _now_, Sir."

It took John awhile to get the double meaning. What Gwen and Michael had just done was never covered by Elizabeth's rules. Looking uncertain he settled on, "Well now you do. Shall we?"

Disappointment bloomed in her as she turned back to Michael. An upset look from him confirmed what they both suddenly knew. They had crossed an unforeseen line and at least she knew, deep down John and the others were not about to let them cross it again, not any time soon.

"Yes Sir," she answered softly. To set an example for Michael's sake she stayed unruffled on the outside. Even though on the inside, she really wanted to give John a piece of her mind. Michael squeezed her hand, not wanting to let go. She numbly gave it a pat with her other and said, "I have to get up early too. So, I'll see you later." When she felt him reluctantly loosen his fingers, she finally got up and he let go.

**Chapter End Notes:**  
As far as I know Sergeant Cole had no known first name but I felt he deserved one and he looked like an Andrew to me. ;)


	12. Chapter 11: Change of Plans

**Chapter 11: Change of Plans**

.oOo.

Michael's warning of "Do not touch her," had played over in John's head more times than he cared to admit as the night past. Giving up on sleep John rose extra early even though he had gotten very little. From what he saw in Michael's eyes last night, John was growing increasingly concerned. He had not seen that deadly glare since Ronon and he had held Michael down before the retrovirus began to take effect.

Last night in Michael's room when John placed an escorting hand on the small of Gwen's back the humanized wraith had rose leisurely but ominously from the sofa. A sudden rush adrenaline in anticipation of a possible attack rushed in John's veins as slowly Michael stalked after them. Gwen paused, noticing and gave the two men a questioning look. Michael halted just feet away but glared at John's hand. Noticing, wisely John raised it and with a contrite smile stepped away from her but it didn't seem to help. Michael stepped between them and made John take a step back.

It was not Michael just getting between Gwen and him that bothered John. But it was the way Michael had stood. The humanized wraith had brought himself up to his full height, back to Gwen, arms relaxed at his sides with hands that did not ball into fists but instead his fingers remained open and claw-like. John listened to his gut and stayed calm even though Michael's eyes bore into his.

When Gwen touched Michael's arm, John watched as the hostility all melted away instantly. Playfully she reassured, "Michael relax he's _just_ a friend."

John had no idea at the time why Michael obeyed. But it was eerie watching him break into a small relieved smile and turn to Gwen to offer, "I'm sorry. I must be getting tired."

"No problem," John accepted although he seriously doubted the apology was for him.

Ignoring the comment Michael asked Gwen warmly, "May I see you tomorrow for Lunch?"

"Promise," she reassured, smiled and headed for her quarters.

After she was out of sight, John witnessed the warmth in his expression cool as he shifted and narrowed his gaze back to him.

"Do not touch her," Michael warned icily then turned to head for bed. John decided to not respond to Michael's comment because he wouldn't have been surprised to find Michael's hand slamming into his chest next. Refusing to say another word to him, Michael began to undo the laces of his boots. Taking the hint, John didn't waist his breath either and left.

Now tying up his own boots, John realized that last night wasn't the first time Michael's body language had him worried. The altercation with Ronon, John had dismissed because in all fairness Michael was provoked. But recently John had overlooked the same glare and tension in Michael's body when he spotted Gwen at his side as they crossed paths in a hallway. At the time John, mistakenly thought Michael was just surprised to see her. But looking back at things now John remembered the anger in Michael's eyes and how it was directed solely at him. The hostility that vanished instantly before Gwen turned to Michael. The kind but attentive look Michael had given her and the equally warm look Gwen returned, wasn't going to make what John had to do next any easier.

"Dammit they're in love," John cursed and kicked himself for not stepping in after she had hugged Michael. At the time John reasoned it was platonic and seeing Michael, a wraith humanized or not, accepting comfort and possibly even crying was startling. Dr. Hieghtmeyer called it a breakthrough.

_That kiss will be the final straw for her,_ John decided as his thoughts turned to Elizabeth. Dressed and ready for the day, John slowly headed for her office.

**.oOo.**

Elizabeth had woken up in a good mood. Until she had reached her office and John was sitting there. The look upon his face told her, what he was about to say wasn't good.

"We need to talk, in private," John started and rose. Without a word she followed him to the smaller conference room where they wouldn't be disturbed or overheard. Door sealed, they didn't bother sitting down. Elizabeth stared at John numbly as he gave her the latest report, over what he witnessed last night and what he failed to stop.

"It was probably only a matter of time," Elizabeth whispered crossing her arms. "Still, I had hoped they would not have acted on their feelings. At least not so soon." She turned away and over her shoulder added, "I hate to ask this John, but what took so long? For you to not only notice what was going on but for you also to get inside Michael's quarters?"

"That's just it. It didn't. Take me that long, that is. One second they are watching a movie the next...we thought they were just talking. But the moment I realized what was about to happen, I got in there."

"But not in time," Elizabeth reminded gently.

John gave his neck a little jerk and sucked in his lips. Before finally puffing out in frustration, "No... I guess not. But think of it this way. What if it had been an attack instead of just a kiss?"

"I'd rather not. Despite the outcome I feel, we still did the right thing. We've learned he's capable of connecting. However due to the hostility he's expressed to you, I'm greatly concerned. If he continues to see you as a potential rival he may eventually become violent and I don't want him exposed to anything that could trigger his past memories. That and I feel we can no longer keep Gwen safe when around him." Elizabeth gave John a pointed look.

"So," John suggested in relief. "It would probably be best to keep them away from each other, I take it? I really doubt either of them will like that."

Starting to head for the briefing room door, Elizabeth agreed, "I know… so for the time being let's not tell them. I'll ask Rodney to load Gwen up with more work. As it is she doesn't have much time for him now. She won't think anything of it."

"And Michael I'm guessing, you want me to tell him, she's busy?"

"No, only if he asks suggest it. Down play it and give the others the same order. If Gwen manages to find some free time and tries to see him, we'll take the next step then."

John agreed, "I'll send her to you."

"Yes," Elizabeth closed her eyes. "But I'm not looking forward to having that discussion. Let's hope her embarrassment at you storming in and a heavier work load puts Michael out of her mind instead. Now let's go find Carson. I want him to do another full work up on Michael just to be safe."

.oOo.


	13. Chapter 12: The Terrible Lie

**Chapter 12: The Terrible Lie**

.oOo.

He had learned the truth and the feelings of betrayal were overwhelming. Each day that passed without seeing Gwen he had found it harder to get to sleep. Even with their reassurances that she was only busy. The pills Carson had given him were not working either and Michael had headed to the infirmary to ask for something else. As the guard talked with a nurse, Michael walked to Carson's desk and found him sleeping.

But then the calendar with his name printed on it caught his eye. Michael found the coincidence very odd and it raised questions. Instead of waking Carson up, Michael forgot about sleep and looked about the desk and found a packet of disks labeled: PATIENT #4364: Lt. Michael Kenmore. Slipping them under his shirt into the waistband of his pants, Michael returned to his room with the guard. There using his lap top he watched parts of some of the disks and feeling he would soon be caught he skipped some and rushed to the disk labeled: Day 1. With horror he watched the truth play out before his very eyes.

_"You made up everything! My name...the photograph of my parents..."_ he accused.

Teyla's words haunted him the most as he now ran from his guards and Ronan.

_"You may not understand this now but making you human... I believe this could make your life better."_

_"Really?"_ He had threw back at who had thought was his friend. _"Because from what I was told, you made me human in order to make your lives better."_

She didn't say anything to argue that so Michael had asked another question. _"So tell me then: what makes being human better than being a Wraith?"_

_"They are evil. They kill us, feed on us, show no mercy, know nothing of compassion-"_

Interrupting Michael asked, _"And humans are different?"_

_"Yes."_

Michael had just shook his head, _"So what you did to me-that was done out of compassion?"_

The memories slipped away as he drew nearer to his destination. He didn't know how much time he had left. He had no delusions of surviving if Ronan was the first to reach him. Michael also had little hope he would be able to escape. So he opted for the next best thing: more answers. There was one person left he had yet been unable to question.

**.oOo.**

The alarm had Gwen jumping awake and clamoring out of bed for her clothes before she fully realized what she was doing. Two hours of sleep after a double shift at the lab, She groggily calculated from the clock's digital display. Absently, for a second she made note that the alarm wasn't coming from it. In the next however, she recognized it was from some emergency in Atlantis.

Instantly the remaining fog burned away in her mind. Fully awake with adrenaline coursing through her, Gwen rushed to get dressed. In just in her usual tank and underwear she bent and hastily felt around for her slacks on the chair. She didn't hear the door open behind her. Instead the sound of the alarm grew louder. She squinted, eyes watering from the sudden bright light spilling into her room. Blinking she tried to see who had entered. That was when he grabbed her, whirled her around and pinned her back against the wall.

"Michael!"

It took Gwen a moment to realize her feet were no longer touching the floor. Another to assume he was the reason the alarm had been raised and a third to know he wasn't about to let her go.

Clutching her upper arms, he had pulled her up to his eye level. Gone was the warmth, the friendliness and the kindness. Locked all away tight, behind the anger. She couldn't determine the key to it because the old one, she knew of no longer seemed to fit.

The door's usual soft hiss was drowned out as it automatically closed. Yet it muffled the alarm to its former volume. The act also slipped everything, into an intimate blackness. Blind, the tang of his sweat had her nostrils flaring. His fast breaths filled the silence between the alarm blares. All confirming, to her that he had been running hard.

Tense seconds past before she was able to make out his face again. While waiting for her eyes to adjust she had stretched but her feet had only found more air.

"What the hell are you doing?" Gwen whispered but harshly. His body only pressed against hers, smothering and too intimate. Arching her back, she tried to free herself. Giving up on finding footing, she pulled up her legs. Attempting to use them to kick or at least push him away.

It was useless. He was too close and too strong. Not even looking to be putting a full effort into holding her still. It was pointless to keep fighting so Gwen stopped and decided to save her strength. But she wasn't about to save her breath shouting, "Let me go!"

Michael shook his head and said very coolly, "No Gwen, I want answers."

Forcing herself to relax completely, she demanded again, "And I said, let me go!"

"Better?" Michael growled and slowly lowered her down. When he let go of her arms and stepped back, she took the opportunity. She threw a mock punch with her left. It was for his face but merely a distraction. For the real one came with her right, aimed lower for his diaphragm. The blow, if successful would slow him down. Enough so she could maybe have a shot at making a run for it or so she thought.

Smoothly, he shifted as if he knew what was coming. Without looking he caught her fist with his left hand and quickly body slammed her back into the wall. Before she thought to use her other hand, his wrapped around her neck. Not tightly, but just enough to tell her he was not fooling around. Feeling a bit of a headache coming on from hitting her head now twice against the wall, she knew it was the least of her concerns.

"Don't!" he warned her unnecessarily. "I didn't come here to spar. Besides, you are no challenge. I want answers!" Staring hard into her eyes he demanded, his voice echoed,_"Now, who am I? Now, who am I? Now, who am I?"_

With a mind suddenly fuzzy Gwen found herself saying simply, "Michael."

That answer didn't seem to satisfy him. Letting her go, he pressed into her and again used his body to pin her to the wall. Then with hands free, he cupped each side of her head firmly and sneered, "No... Tell me the truth!"

His agitation made him lose his focus. Trying to fight her way out of the now patchy haze she managed to ask. "What... Why are you...?"

Michael ignored the question to regain some of his lost control. Concentrating, he asked slowly his voice once again echoing. _"Gwen let's start with, what did they tell you about me?__What did they tell you about me? What did they tell you about me?"_

Her eyes glazed over momentarily as she spoke, "Your name is Lieutenant Michael Kenmore... Texas... Close to where I..." Clearing momentarily Gwen choked out angrily, "Stop it!"

He didn't, although he was starting to get tired. Gwen's mind shuddered with rage and Michael seriously doubted he could probe it much longer. _"Did they tell you the truth? The truth? The truth? Did you know that I am Wraith? I am Wraith? I am Wraith?"_

Her thoughts reared and clawed at his. Panicked at what he had revealed and asked. Gritting her teeth with effort, Gwen tried to grab his wrists and draw up a leg again. To do anything to get free but it felt like she was moving in water. She wanted to tell him, "Go to hell!" But instead she found herself coughing out, "No!"

_**"Do you think I'm something sick and wrong that needs to be cured? Needs to be cured? Needs to be cured?"**_

The intensity of his demand made her eyes roll back and her mouth work in effort to form the words. She finally managed, "No remember... Another way... ch-ch-choices."

The last part to her garbled answer, Michael left to analyze later. Now he needed all of his energy to keep from losing his hold. Gwen had stopped struggling but not within her mind and by no longer diverting her focus, the first wall of defense he slammed into hard. Michael winced in pain but hung on as her thoughts thrashed about. The intensity of her various chaotic emotions crashed into him like physical blows. If he was in his true form Michael wondered if he would have been able to block the pain they caused. If not at least to calm her down. But he could not wait out the storm and press swiftly with, _"Then why did you stop visiting me?__Why did you stop? Why did you stop?"_

Infuriated by what he was now doing, the last thing she wanted to do was admit how much she still cared. How she had tried. How it had hurt when the guards had turned her away and the worry she felt at Elizabeth's news. It took everything to press her lips together and not answer.

_"Tell me the truth!"_ he shouted in her face.

"They didn't... They lied to me too!" She felt the words being torn out. It reached the point of hurting more to fight it than admit the truth. Reluctantly giving up, the rest spilled out of her easily. "First McKay loaded me up with work. But I got through it - practically killed myself so I could see you! Then I found out I had no choice! They wouldn't - said it was for my own protection. They said you were becoming unstable! Delusional! Now let go of me dammit!"

They were both breathing very hard now and when he tried to oblige, she almost fell. Unable to stand on her own anymore, her mind and thoughts were too scattered from trying to fight his questions.

"Not yet," Michael decided and dragged her away from the wall. He continued to hold her tightly, putting his arms around her waist. She felt soft, so very warm and damp. The smell from her sweat filled his nostrils and still for the most human, his mind and body reacted to her, to both of their surprise.

Feeling him, she gasped and closed her eyes. Clenching her teeth she tried to move but her arms wouldn't even respond. At least she could still talk. Shaking her head in denial the words came out small but urgent, "Now I know your not. You're not! You can't be one of them!"

He didn't respond. Just cupped the back of her head and forced her to face him again. He said nothing to her and just stared until reluctantly she opened her eyes and returned the gaze. His anger was still there but in rubble, revealing pain and hurt. Finally he stated in hardly a whisper, "Gwen... I'm a wraith."

The truth of it felt like a punch to her solar plexus. Knocking the air out of her lungs as everything around her sharpened and slowed down.

"What do you think of me now?"

The question snapped her to attention. Her mind was completely clear. A fragile vulnerability laced his features. He looked about to shatter. There was no demand for truth. He only asked and even for herself she didn't have the answer. With watery eyes searching over his face she could only say, "I don't know. See everything – see every part Michael."

Understanding he nodded and she felt the strange pressing sensation into her mind again. This time she did not try to fight it since he was only doing what she demanded of him. _"What do you think of me now?__Think of me now? Think of me now?"_

"I don't care," Gwen finally admitted in a small cry. Then she started to tremble. Not in fear over what she had just admitted but in utter sadness, trying desperately to hold back the anguish, in order to deal with the situation each of them was now in.

But release came when Michael pushed her head to his shoulder. Not wanting to see her tears or let her see the shimmer which threatened to spill from his eyes. But soon the hot trails were slipping down his cheeks as hers dampened his neck while he clung to her tightly.

They said nothing. Only savored what little time they had, not being watched by others, to just hold one another. He rocked her slowly, almost in a dancing way as he hummed softly. Gwen joined him, lifted her head from his shoulder and pressed a weak smile against his ear to whisper, "We're in this together now..."

In hers he murmured in agreement, "Even after everything." It felt too soon when next he reluctantly loosened his grip upon her. Yet he didn't let go adding, "I can't live like this and not be free. And they-"

She pressed finger tips to his lips and whispered, "I understand."

Stroking away the wetness on her face with the back of his fingers, he realized something. He gave a slow smile, bent and cupped her jaw in his hand. And so tender he laid upon her lips, one chaste and careful kiss. Gwen trembled but for it to deepen. He did as well yet the concern of getting caught again had him pulling too soon away.

"No... More," Gwen insisted and grabbed a hold of the front of his shirt. At his hesitant but amused look she reasoned, "No cameras... Nobody is here... It's just-"

Michael didn't need her to finish the comment and kissed her, hard. The attack bruised both of their lips. It was also a little clumsy at first, since he didn't know exactly what to do. The movie he had seen and Gwen were his only guides but he was as always, a quick learner. Following her lead, his tongue met hers steadily and their kiss deepened with each thrust.

Arms wrapped around his neck, she drew a leg caressing up his. Letting out a growl deep in his throat, Michael cupped her bottom with a hand. Then he shoved her back into the wall for a third time while his other still deep into her hair protected her head from knocking into it.

Gwen lips broke from his. Only enough to let out a gasp of surprise as he ground his pelvis into hers fiercely. Their mouths relocked onto one another's and without hesitation Gwen pulled up her other leg. Wrapping both around him she opened herself for him to settle between completely.

It didn't take Michael long before he started to press into her again and again slowly. Feeling his hard need Gwen cried out her own, into his mouth, "I want you..." Even though time was possibly running out, Michael couldn't stop. He let out a low groan as she started to eagerly arch her hips to meet him. Through the few layers of cloth between them, he could feel a heat growing between her thighs.

Slowly as they kissed, Gwen worked her hand down him, fingers teasing as they searched. Then finding his belt line, she started to tug at his black shirt. Michael, feeling her fingers exploring his bare skin sucked in a hiss and ground against her harder.

They both stilled instantly at what they heard coming. Someone was walking down the hall towards her door. It had them pulling away but only enough for air. Yet both held their breath and staring into one another's worried eyes they waited as the footsteps kept coming closer and closer.

Nervously, Michael shifted his weight from one foot to another. Back and forth he moved as he listened. Unaware that he was rubbing just the right spot, until he felt her hand slip farther under his shirt and spreading wide, need lit her eyes.

His heart hammered under her palm. A part of him wanted to laugh but settled for just giving her a cocked brow and an equally hungry grin. Slowing down just a little he compensated by grinding into her a little harder. Even in throws, she registered the tease. Mirroring his expression, Gwen dug her nails into the skin of his chest harder, pressing for more.

Gritting his teeth he demanded huskily, "More! I need you... Show me!" He gasped when she shoved him back, thinking at first she was rejecting him but then felt her hands slide down and work to open his belt. Seconds later he jumped a little feeling her hand pulling him free and guiding him. Staring into his eyes, she boldly jerked his hips forward and watched his reaction. Suddenly he felt as if his whole body was engulfed in exquisite fire. Without knowing what to do next he pulled out a little bit and his jaw dropped at the sensation.

"Again," was all she needed to say. Michael pushed into her again and felt his eyes rolling back. Kissing her, soon found himself bucking into her wetness again and again.

"Like this?" he gasped and kept moving unable to stop, it felt too good.

"Harder," she commanded, locked her lips over his once more while rubbing her hand over his heaving chest.

Michael with a low moan into her mouth happily obeyed. It wasn't long before Gwen let out a small strangled sound and broke the kiss. Eyes wide, she didn't look away but into his and started to shudder. Then she began to kiss him again, urging him to keep going. Grasping her legs around him tighter she pulled him with her over the edge.

It felt like he was falling as something rushed through every cell in his body. A surge of power washed through him as he convulsed. Throwing his head back, Michael bit back the shout and it came out choked. His already closed eyes squeezing tighter as his legs felt like they were about to give out. Michael groaned and pressed his flushed face into the crook of her neck. Luckily for both of them, he regained his footing quickly. And as the smell of her and the ginger like fragrance filled his nostrils, his hips gave one last strong lurch.

They barely registered the footfalls from outside the door reach a climax then start to fade away. Both were too caught up in recovering from their own. In relief Michael eased back a little and opened his eyes. Then he pressed his damp forehead to hers. The gusts of their fast breaths cooled their flushed faces.

"That was..." Michael breathily trailed off.

Gwen finished for him, equally winded. "That was... close." It took some time before she could loosen her legs, from around his waist and tried to return her feet to the floor.

Both shaky, neither one of them could let the other go just yet. They first had to catch their breath. All the while each taking turns to gently kiss and caress the other. Shifting he realized he was still deep inside of her but had no desire to leave.

Recovering first he nodded, "Yes... It was."

She hadn't caught her breath and she still had trouble standing when he tried to release her. Seeing it, he helped her to the bed and it took everything in him not to join her. Instead after carefully setting her down, he reluctantly let her go and freed himself.

After making quick use of her bathroom, he rejoined her. During that time she had managed to pull her pants on but sat quietly, holding herself. From the door way he paused and made note of the tremble in her frame as she looked out the window. Her lips parted, hearing him draw near and she looked up to meet his eyes. He drew so close, yet he couldn't bring himself to touch or kiss her again and neither could she. Because they both knew it wouldn't stop at that. They didn't declare or promise one another anything. They also didn't say goodbye.

Something was now different between them and they both couldn't quite even begin to put it into words. And given the circumstances it was far worse than love. Watching him make his way to the door, Gwen wanted to call out. To stop and warn him or in some way to help him escape or beg him to stay but she didn't. She could only let him go. Although what her people done to him was questionable, she had her orders and she reasoned it was highly unlikely she would ever see him again.

Door opened, he glanced up and down the corridor then to her and paused. They stared at one another trying to burn every detail of each other into their memories.

"Just go," she urged sadly. "I won't let them know you were here, at least not for another five minutes."

He didn't appear hurt at all by what she said. Instead after one more long look, he simply offered, "Gwen trust me even though..._ I can be a nightmare of the grandest kind._" And then without a backward glance he left.

As soon as the door slid closed behind him, Gwen squeezed her eyes shut at his words and wondered if he would understand her lie. Giving him a five minutes head start would not only raise more suspicions but questions too if discovered. And the last thing Gwen wanted was to be sent home. Sadly, she reached for her headset by the alarm clock so that she could dutifully report his location immediately. But picking it up, she hesitated at putting it on.

A thought suddenly occurred to her, _I could always say I wanted to be sure he was gone before..._ Precious seconds ticked by as she tried to determine what would be the right thing to do.

But not far outside, Gwen heard muffled voices. All she could make out was who they belonged to, one was Michael's and the other belonged to one of his guards. Shakily she got up and took a tentative step towards the door. Four very quick gun shots yanked her to a halt. She didn't hear or feel the headset drop from her hand. She only heard a body drop to the floor.

"No," she whispered in denial and horror. The memory of him picking up a gun from her desk near the door and how he had quickly tucked in the back of his pants before he left, washed over her. With stomach lurching, Gwen took a few hesitant steps, eyes glued to the closed door.

The distinct sound of a powering up Sateda weapon made a scream lock in her throat. The discharge that came next, a second thud of another body left her trembling and going very cold.

"Ronan no! Michael!" she cried out in alarm and rushed to the door. But then her foot came down wrong on something hard with strings. She remembered falling before pain exploded inside her head and the world instantly winked away.

.oOo.

**Chapter End Notes:**  
Obviously I took some liberties with the amount of time he was able to elude capture. ;)

Dialogue between Michael and Teyla quoted from Season 2: Episode: Michael.


	14. Chapter 13: Into The Void

**Chapter 13: Into The Void**

.oOo.

Outside Ronan derived little pleasure, from putting the restraints on an unconscious Michael, extra tight. He had been stopped from finishing it. His Satedan gun, set to kill was pointed right at the wraith's head and he was just starting to squeeze the trigger. Ronan scowled but it was not as dark as the one he gave when the stun blast dropped Michael from behind. It had come from John and he wasted no time to look over Ronan's weapon.

"I figured you'd forget to set it to stun."

Ronan took a small comfort in the possibilities involving hauling Michael to a cell. That is if along the way he regained consciousness and tried anything, Ronan might be able to finish him off after all. In the meantime he waited as Teyla checked Sergeant Cole's pulse. But it was no use, the man was dead.

The others arrived shortly to take care of the body. Some assisted Ronan with transporting Michael to a holding cell. John and Teyla went to check on Gwen.

As they headed to Gwen's quarters Teyla whispered, "Sergeant Cole must have been the first to guess Michael might try to visit her first."

"Yeah, unfortunately for him we were second," John agreed tersely as the doors to Gwen's quarters opened. His stomach was in knots, ever since he received word of Michael's escape. With no sign of him heading for the jumper bay or gate room, it didn't take them long to figure it out. That it wasn't _where_ exactly Michael was heading to but to _whom_.

Opening the door to her quarters they saw her immediately. Utterly still, lying on her side, her eyes closed with a small pool of blood hallowed around her head.

John kept walking towards her even though he dreaded more bad news. Teyla rushed ahead and wasted no time to find out. Reaching her, she bent to a knee and felt the side of Gwen's neck.

"She's alive! It is slow but steady," Teyla reported and began to carefully look for the source of the blood loss. "It seems as if she took a blow to the head."

The news of a pulse had him letting out a breath. Kneeling down also, he opened a channel on his head set. "Get a medical team to Dr. Reyes quarters now!"

"John look," Teyla pointed to the woman's unworn boots at her bare feet and then to the edge of a desk by the door.

Distracted by the blood on it, John jumped when Gwen grabbed his arm. But he kept his voice even and smiled in relief. "Hey, you're awake."

"Wha-whappened?" Gwen struggled to get out, "M-michael?"

Bending close Teyla reassured, "Do not worry. Dr. Reyes a medical team will be arriving shortly."

"You're safe now," John too tried to help but added, "He can't hurt you anymore."

The pain, their worry and the anger in John's eyes at himself had hers filling with more tears. She raised a hand to her throbbing head and when she pulled back at the wetness she saw the blood. Fragments of what happened were coming back to her, the primal love making and the tender moments that followed. After a hard swallow and staring at her shaking bloody hand she managed, "H-he didn't... He w-wouldn't. Michael!" Gwen cried out and tried to get to her feet, she didn't see the confused look Teyla wore. Or the skeptical one John gave in return.

**.oOo.**

The first thing Michael registered besides the pain was he was laying on something hard. Confused and still groggy it took him awhile to piece together what had happened. When he tried to move pin pricks throughout his body attacked in waves. It made him moan in discomfort and to spare himself of more of it he tried to hold still. It seemed to help but his head still throbbed. Carefully he opened his eyes and was grateful the light was dim and green. Briefly he pondered the reason for the color as he slowly rolled to his back and stared at the ceiling.

It was starting to come back to him slowly: the running, finding and questioning Gwen. He licked his lips and tasted her. He sucked in another breath and trembled remembering the sounds of hers. The gasps and moans, the sultry tone of her order for him to move harder. He trembled, as the feeling of being surrounded by her and the burning in that wetness washed over him again. The last thing he remembered was being with her.

_Why am I now on the floor?_ he asked himself, lifted his head and looked slowly about for Gwen. Spotting the metal plank horizontal bars and through them a closed door had him shivering. He got his answer. He was alone and this place held something unpleasantly familiar.

Laying his head back down his gaze drew to his outstretched arm. Fingers tingling he flicked and noticed something dried and dark was on them. Wincing he pulled his hand closer to his face.

With the smell of rusty iron it all came rushing back. He had just left Gwen's and after the hall turned he had spotted one of his guards. He told the marine to drop his weapon. But the man had turned, he was going to shoot. Michael without even hesitating fired off four quick rounds, dropping him instantly. At first the action surprised and horrified him but as the man lay dying something strange had taken over. He could smell the blood and flashes of memory were starting to come back.

He closed his eyes in shame. Fragments of what Gwen said once tormented him now._ "You just smell things... Certain scents can trigger memories."_

He now shuddered in a confusing self-loathing at how he remembered kneeling next to the man and touching one of the bullet wounds. The feel of the warm fluid upon his fingertips had felt familiar and almost comforting. And it was the smell of human blood which removed all doubts of who he truly was. The hunger and the burning sensation which always came with it never lied.

.oOo.

**Chapter End Notes:**  
"I figured you'd forget to set it to stun." said by John is a quote from the Episode Michael.


	15. Chapter 14: Deep

**Chapter 14: Deep**

.oOo.

Dr. Carson Beckett let out a sigh of relief as he tied off the sixth and final stitch to the deep cut on Gwen's scalp. John and Teyla hovered at the doorway. John catching Carson's eye asked, "How is she?"

"I'm fine, Sir," Gwen answered for him and tried to get off the medical bed.

Carson soothed, "Whoa take it easy there, dear. Let's move nice and slow. We don' want you to take a fall again." He prevented her from getting to her feet but instead helped her to just sit up. He paused taking note how she had not flinched at his touch. With a relieved nod he ordered, "Stay put for a wee bit, I'll be right back."

Once at his desk and out of earshot of Gwen, Carson reported to John and Teyla who followed, "She's a mild concussion but no skull fracture."

Confused John wondered aloud, "But what about all of that blood?"

"Nothing bleeds like the scalp," Teyla explained. Then remembering the blood she saw on the desk, the boots and the position they had found her in she added, "I don't think Michael caused her head injury."

"Yeah, so I heard repeatedly," John grudgingly answered and jerked his head at Gwen.

Taking off his gloves while watching her now calm demeanor, Carson put his two cents in. "Well, I do believe that at the very least she's believes she's tellin' the truth."

"So, is Michael to blame or not?" John asked glancing to her and back to Carson.

"Directly? No," Carson added as he washed his hands.

John didn't look so pleased and grumbled, "Wait a sec. So what do you mean by that?"

Drying his hands Carson explained. "What I trying to say is, I don' think he pushed or threw her at the desk. If he had I doubt she'd be conscious now and would have at least sustained a skull fracture. What I'm also trying to say is we don' know what all he did to her. Her encounter with him was most likely rather stressful. Then hearing what happened outside her door might have been the last straw."

"So, she what... Fainted? Sorry doc, I'm still not ready to buy Michael not hurting her just yet."

"She most likely tripped over her boots John," Teyla interjected. "I've spared with Michael and know what he's capable of. Like Carson said, if he was responsible, the trauma to her head would be greater. Ask yourself, why are there no other injuries?"

John frowned and studied Gwen before she shyly looked away. Reluctantly he asked, "Are you absolutely sure there aren't you know... Other injuries?"

Teyla's eyes widened in alarm. "You don't think that he..." In horror of the possibility, she couldn't finish the question.

Understanding Carson's voice dropped for modesty sake. "She isn' givin' off any of the indicators of being raped. But I haven' broached the matter with her just yet. Besides the minor head injury, there's nothin' beyond some finger bruises on her arms. And I really don' think anythin' happened given her clothing were intact when we found her."

Although relieved, John said forcefully, "Good."

Quite serious Carson added, "I can instruct one of the other doctors, if you'd like to run a more thorough examination-"

"Just ask her okay. Let's not put her through anything more than what's happened already." John looked to them both and added, "How about we focus on what's important here. It's over, she's okay and killing one of my men has just bought Michael a one way ticket to the Alpha Site."

As John left, Teyla and Carson shared a quick knowing look. It was far from over and Gwen was not exactly, okay.

**.oOo.**

While stitching her head Carson asked few if any questions. But by the way he was heading to her now after a private talk with John and Teyla, Gwen felt he was about to ask more.

"Ah now, I don' have much time. I need to leave soon. I think you'd know why I need to talk with you."

Feeling trapped, Gwen again tried to get up and denied, "No, I don't. It can wait. I'll be fine-thanks for stitching me-ouch!"

It didn't take him much effort to get her sitting her back down. But she noticed how he frowned worriedly at how much she was shaking and took a look at her ankle.

"Please dear, don' be difficult. You're in no shape to go anywhere. Stay a bit or I can leave and Dr. Weir can question you while another doctor takes a scan of this."

Gwen winced at the idea, how it hurt when Carson started to test her swollen joint's range of motion and agreed, "In that case Dr. Beckett, ask away."

"Very good, I do apologize for it bein' so soon. But in light of what has all happened I think you'd understand. I need you to be honest with me Gwen. When Michael -"

"He came into my quarters. I remember that."

Hesitantly Carson dipped his head and encouraged, "That's good you do but we don' know more and I was hoping you could fill me in. Please, could you tell me what happened after that?"

Gwen looked about for a moment to collect her thoughts. That and to decide what not to tell him. "He was upset," she started and chewed her lower lip. "About what was done to him," she paused looked up and expected the last part to invoke some type of reaction. But to her surprise it did not.

Instead Carson kept his expression of concern. It seemed genuine as he continued, let go of her foot and questioned, "Did he threaten or hurt you in anyway, dear?"

Gwen paused as the memories replayed and reluctantly admitted, "A little bit but even when I tried to hurt him, he only wished to restrain me. He never hit me even though I tried to. He was very... intimidating. He pressed me up against the wall and... Asked me if I knew what he was. That if I was a part of it."

"So he told you?"

She nodded and felt her eyes start to water, "Everything. So it's true? He's... really a wraith?" Gwen felt foolish for asking. She remembered all too clearly him probing her mind for answers. But a small part of her still hoped it somehow wasn't true. She still hoped there was some other explanation, anything that would make everything seem all right again.

"Yes, I'm afraid so. I honestly didn't think the retro-virus would work so well. We were also surprised that he had forgotten who he was," Carson confirmed and then proceeded to explain everything.

While he did, the small helpless hope within her let out a death cry. Face blank at the shock of it, she half listened to the details of Michael's capture, the retro-virus and how it was developed. The last two he described in layman's terms mainly for security purposes before prodding her to tell him more.

"When he asked you, what did you tell him?"

"At first I tried not to say anything. But the way he asked seemed so... It was so forceful. He put his hands to my head and I couldn't..." At Carson's face turning grim, Gwen finished saying, "I tried to fight it."

"Yes, I'm sure you did. This is unfortunate. He must have regained some of his abilities."

Gwen nodded and whispered, "On my way here aboard the _Dadualus_, I read they can manipulate the mind to a certain extent. Even make you see things that aren't there."

"Yes," Carson added, "When they are in close proximity they also use their abilities when they need to interrogate someone. I'll certainly have to advise sedating him and adjust his dosage," Carson added offhandedly and requested, "Please continue."

"I said his name, told him where I thought he was from and asked him why he was doing it," Gwen felt a tear slip down her cheek. Frustrated she swatted it dry. "I told him the truth. He realized I didn't know. Then I think he left." Gwen finished the last part a poor lie.

"You think?"

"Yes," Gwen faked a look of intense concentration at her swollen ankle and lied, "It's a little hazy after that."

Carson's eyes narrowed in suspicion. But instead of drilling her, he decided to play along, "So after that he didn't hurt you?"

Gwen could only nod her head and try and move her foot. The sharp pain that shot up her leg however did not distract her from the press of his stare. The silence as he waited for her to say more became unbearable. When she finally met Carson's eyes, she saw the gentle and frustrated concern in them. Gwen closed hers and thought, _Crap! Does he know?_

Giving him a pleading look, she stressed. "I'm telling you the truth, Michael_didn't_ hurt me. Yes he did restrain me and question me but after that we... We said our goodbyes. It got... A little out of hand-we kissed and-but not..." Gwen squirmed and flushed, trying to find the most delicate and convincing way to put it. She decided on, "Not to a point where..._ Another_ problem could become a concern."

Ever the doctor Carson had little problems asking, "So you didn' engage in sexual activities?"

Making a split decision, Gwen did not hesitate or regret the following lies, "We did not. And since nothing happened, I hope the matter of kissing him doesn't have to be anybody else's business. I know what he is now but if this gets out I worry that others will not trust me due to it. If you feel or already have reported your suspicions I understand. But I'm asking you a favor, to please keep this between us."

Carson lips pressed tighter together but then coming to a conclusion he gave an agreeing nod, "Very well. I too don' see the need of it to go beyond you and I. But I want you to be truthful with me, what happened after you said your goodbyes-as you call it."

"Shortly after he left, I heard voices. I got up but it was strange... I couldn't move. And..." Gwen thought hard but then shook her head. "I..."

"You don' remember past that point?"

"No, what happened?"

"We're guessing you possibly fainted and hit your head."

"I did?" She made a face of disgust. "You're kidding right?"

"No, I'm quite serious."

Gwen shook her head eyes narrowing and argued, "I don't faint."

Carson with brows high pressed, "Ah apparently you do. Well, during your _goodbyes _you may have hyperventilated a wee bit."

Her cheeks burned as she mumbled, "Oh."

"Yes dear, doing that can result in light headedness and in turn fainting." To Gwen's glare, Carson raised his hands in supplication, adding quickly. "Well, yes but when combined with what happened after he left, I don't blame you for getting tipsy and takin' a knock."

"Hyperventilated?" Her mind flashed unexpectedly to being in Michael's arms again. To how hard both of them had been breathing.

Seeing her mind wander, Carson pursed his lips. Working them and blinking rapidly, he commented aloud, "Yes that's correct."

His small grimace brought her back to reality. Blushing she inquired, "Wait… what did you mean by, 'what happened after he left.' Is he okay? John and Teyla wouldn't tell me anything specific."

"Yes, he's in a holdin' cell at the moment."

"Can I see him?"

"He was unconscious from the stun blast when I last saw. As for you seein' him again? No I don't think that is wise, dear." Carson paused, swallowed and continued, "You see, shortly after he left your quarters Michael ran into one of his guards, a Sergeant Andrew Cole. He shot the man four times. Gwen, I'm sorry..."

His expression said everything. The man was dead and Michael was the cause of it. Even though she was sitting down, the room seemed to tilt. Carson squeezed her free hand and got the rest of it over with. "Before escaping and coming to you, he also seriously injured another."

Carson waited. To allow Gwen time to let the words sink in. He watched the color drain from her face. "I don't understand... How? Why?"

"He's-"

Gwen shook her head, too fast to be anything but a form of denial. "I know what you're going to say! But that doesn't automatically mean that-what was it? Was it in self-defense or not?"

Crossing his arms, Carson reluctantly admitted, "We honestly don't know. Nobody witnessed it. But..." He debated over telling her how Ronan found Michael squatting next Sergeant Cole's body, sniffing the man's blood from his fingertips.

"But what?"

"Nothing, um I just had hoped perhaps you could have given us somethin' more on the matter. But perhaps, in time you'll remember another bit." He paused then whispered, "Gwen I know you care about him. But you must not let that cloud your judgment, if anything for your own safety, just in case."

That snapped her out of the shock. "Just in case of what? My safety?" Gwen snorted, "When did that finally become an issue?"

"It always was. Surely you understand now, why we never allowed him to be unescorted. Besides, after he gave you his apology we never asked you to-"

"Don't," Gwen snapped at him. Then looking away she managed an even tone, "Please Dr. Beckett. I would like to be alone now, if you don't mind."

"I don' but between you and me, for what it's worth I didn't want you involved in this. I don' like any of this, just as much as you."

Gwen didn't voice the questions. _If that was true, then why didn't you do something to prevent it? Why did you go along with this cruel experiment to begin with?_ She just didn't have the heart. Dr. Beckett was well liked and very kind. The comforting lilt in his voice was a balm on her anger.

Dully she asked, "Have you perfected the retrovirus?"

"In a way, yes I did. But it's no cure yet, just a treatment. But without this research, John would have been lost to us due to Ellia. She was a wraith girl we encountered that was raised by a human. She did not want to feed so we were going to try and cure her. But she couldn't wait and took my untested retrovirus. It mutated her. She became very unstable and aggressive. She attacked Sheppard and from those wounds he became infected with the Iratus bug DNA." When she remained stubbornly silent to that Dr. Beckett tried to say something more.

But he was interrupted by an incoming message from John, _"Doc are you coming?"_

"I'm on my way." Dr. Beckett answered then to Gwen ordered. "We'll have to talk 'bout this mess later with Dr. Heightmeyer."

Gwen nodded and apologized, "I'm sorry for snapping at you earlier. You are right. None of you asked me to keep seeing him."

"Not to worry dear, I understand." He patted her hand reassuringly. "I'll try to keep you informed with how he is doing."

Watching him leave she added, "Oh Doc?"

He paused, "Yes?"

"I did not faint... I must have tripped over my dam boots."

Carson gave her a weak smile and left. Alone Gwen replayed the past weeks' events of her brief but always pleasant encounters with Michael. And now, she looked upon them with a whole new perspective.

She now knew why he didn't seem particularly worried about Ronon. Why he was surprised by her kindness and her lack of fear. Why he always hesitated before offering his hand to others. Looking at his palms when he thought nobody was watching. How he stroked the center of hers and the comments he had made about them. She wondered if it had been a part of Wraith courtship that he had done unconsciously. He hadn't remembered but he always was aware that he was somehow different.

She had no delusions about what Michael was, yet a part of her couldn't help but to rear a clinical head in morbid fascination. On the way to _Pegasus Galaxy_ she had read and reread carefully all of the reports involving the Wraith. To join the expedition as well as for her job it was required. But besides just focusing on his species' technology, she had also spent a great deal of time speculating over their culture. She even took the time to research the few theories others had come up with but still very little was known of their daily lives and habits despite all the intelligence gathered.

But there was plenty of horror to be found in every picture. Of what they looked like and what they had done to their victims told her why. Fighting what seemed monsters, for the right to no longer be their cattle, gave her species little motivation to try to understand or have compassion for them.

Gwen understood why. An instinctual response to remove or destroy a threat before refection and study had served her kind well. Honed into a dominate behavior by sheer elimination of those who were too curious or too careless.

Still rubbing her chest, it felt hollow and she wondered if the Michael she came to know and love was now in danger of dying. Would his brief human life be consumed entirely if the iratus genes was allowed to resurface once again? Or would something remain?

"But how can that be?" She asked herself and shivered over what Michael had done just moments after he had left her room.

.oOo.

**Chapter End Notes:**  
"I figured you'd forget to set it to stun." said by John is a quote from the Episode Michael.


	16. Epilogue:

Epilogue: Love is not enough

.oOo.

Carson had been gentle with her about the news. Only hearing they had returned from the Alpha Site earlier than scheduled, Gwen went to him for answers. Kindly as possible he sat her down and gave her the news of Michael's escape and his possible death.

"John had no choice but to shoot. He was about to feed on Teyla and the other wraith were coming. We didn't have time to retrieve Michael's body. I'm sorry, Gwen dear."

"But he could still be alive. A wraith's ability to heal is..."

With worry and regret in his eyes Carson offered, "Perhaps. But if he heals and if they haven' killed him over what we have done to him, we could all be in some serious danger. They'll know _Atlantis_ is still here."

She felt a little dizzy but thanked him, rose and started walking aimlessly. Till she found herself at the very balcony she had shown Michael only days ago. Gripping the railing she concentrated on the sky and endless water and was hit by wave after wave of sadness and despair. She wanted to scream but even alone kept it in and could not stop shaking. Tore between wanting him to be alive and fear over what he could become. What would he do or happen to him if he was back with the Wraith had silent tears slipping down her cheeks.

Time passed and she thought there was more than plenty of space between herself and the others. She wanted to be alone but hearing the panel doors open and the steps, she realized she hadn't run far enough away. Not caring who it was she decided to work on calming herself, wiping away the tears and ignoring whoever had found her.

"There you are," John broke the silence and without asking he joined her. Leaning upon the railing like she had been doing for the last hour, he mumbled, "I've been looking for you for a while now. We've all been worried... Carson is beside himself." When she did not ask him how he found her John explained, "I usually come here myself. The view's good for clearing the head."

The sound of Velcro ripping and before Gwen turned to see what he was doing, John handed her a tissue. She took it without a word. Patiently, he waited for her to say something after she was done drying her tears. When she didn't he turned to her and asked, "You really don't want to talk right now do you?"

Gwen gave him a blood shot glance then returned to her study of the distant ocean horizon. John gave a pained look and sighed, "Frankly I don't blame you. In fact don't say anything. That's fine by me. Since, I came here to tell you something anyways. Something I think you deserve to know." He took his time before starting, "After he woke up he asked to see you. And he claimed to Teyla that he shot Sergeant Cole in self-defense."

Carefully Gwen turned to him but still refused to ask him for more. But seeing he had her full attention John continued, "He wouldn't let the topic go-to see you again that is. No matter how many times we told him that wasn't possible. We all thought it would be for the best, not to put you through anymore." Biting his lower lip, John looked down and finished, "If it's worth anything. I'm sorry about, everything."

Even with new hot tears slipping down her cheeks, Gwen refused to cut John much slack. Staring at the color filled sunset she softly asked, "Are you sorry you had to kill him too?"

He expected that, offered her another tissue and gave a shrug, "How can I be? When I'm not even sure that he is."

Wiping at her cheeks again, she calmly replied, "Well... We're all still here, aren't we?"

"Well, maybe he just hasn't gotten around to telling them yet," John countered dryly. Softening his tone he added, "Or maybe he won't tell them."

She ignored him as Michael's words filled her, _"Gwen trust me even though... I can be a nightmare of the grandest kind."_ Taking a deep breath she concluded aloud, "We might never know."

"We'll just have to wait and see," John agreed.

They said no more to each other. Instead they watched and waited in a comfortable silence as the sun slipped into the ocean.

.oOo.

**Chapter End Notes:**

A second book named _Something_ (Book 3) will cover the remaining episodes Michael appeared in and give a look beyond the series finale of Atlantis. But planning to first work on a prequel (Book One) named _The Little One. _(Currently rough drafts of the first few chapters for both stories are available on Wraithbate and hopefully here too soon.)

You may have noticed I used a few Nine Inch Nails songs for some of titles. I found most of them fit the mood with the corresponding chapters. (That and I'm really-really not so good at giving names and titles to things.)

Even though this story I feel is pretty much finished, I may go back and fuss with it. Fix some missed typos or add a few more details. All depends upon feedback.

Thank you for reading, hope you enjoyed it! :)


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